[Tia Maria]

When we first submitted our EOI, we spent the next few months sorting out visas/house for selling/researching NZ etc etc. We seemed to be up late every night doing one thing or another. But consoled ourselves with the fact that life would be more relaxed when we reached NZ.

However, we've been in NZ since Jan, and we still seem to be up everynight, making the new house comfortable, sorting out paperwork and working out the finer details of new job/kids schools etc. We've had a few things not go to plan, but I suspect this is the normal experience of relocating.

So my question is this, how long before you had finally dealt with all the stuff associated with new job/house and country ....if ever. To put it simply I'm exhausted and have had enough!

Cheers

Tia

[K&CS]

'fraid I can't answer, Tia. We've only been here since early March and we're still at it (including having to sort out final bills from the UK). If I had one piece of advice to give to anyone, it would be to take into consideration a lot of set up costs and various hassles in those first few weeks and months. We thought we'd covered everything before we came, but we hadn't thought of quite a lot of thigs. I know it's hassle, but it can be quite exciting too, can't it? Hope you get through it soon.

Kate x

[Park City Partner]

I was here for 5 weeks in Feb and then back to the States for about 6 weeks and then have been back here for about a month now. Our container arrived while I was back in the States and my partner did most of the unpacking. So when I came back to NZ I walked into a house with all of my stuff in it.

There was still a bunch to unpack but he did the majority of it. He also came out ahead of me and found our rental house, set up utlities etc. I am very lucky.

I feel so much more settled now that our stuff is here. There are still little things to do to get the house sorted but I don't feel rushed to do it all right away. Though I need to get a bunch done before our baby arrives in July.

My advise would be do what you have to to feel settled but don't feel as if you have to do it all right away...after all you have a lifetime here, right?

Good luck.

[jubjub]

We are pretty much settled house/money wise now, been here nearly a year.

It probably took a bit longer for us than some, as there was a baby in the equation!

However once we bought our house and our container arrived, we were mostly sorted (this took about 3 months from when hubby landed, I came out 6 wks later), after a change in job for more money, and arrival of the baby it was now 8 months later, and I think that was the end of the most stressful times.

We now have nothing major to think/worry about and can get on with day to day living.

Don't panic, you will get there, just everyone settles at different speeds.

Only thing still not sorted from the UK is the tax refunds.....

[willsken]

If I had one piece of advice to give to anyone, it would be to take into consideration a lot of set up costs and various hassles in those first few weeks and months. We thought we'd covered everything before we came, but we hadn't thought of quite a lot of thigs.

What kind of things did you forget to take into account?

From
Obsessive Planner :o

[Smiler]

Hi Tia Maria

I hit a plateau about 3 months in and though I had it sorted. Thats changed because at the moment we are both working so hard and a lot of stuff that we would maybe do together in the Uk, I am doing alone.

The rental is just about sorted but only because I refuse to unpack boxes of stuff we don't need in this house. Lately I fall into bed physically and mentally exhausted.

A lot of this is just associated with what we have taken on, new country, new life, setting up our business again, learning new law and tax sysyems etc, I don't envy anyone who has to factor children into it all. :(

In saying that, I can see light at the end of the tunnel and I notice when some tasks becomes less of a chore. It will happen, it does take longer for some of us, but try not to stress yourself out about it.

Obsessive Planner: I can think (off the top of my head) of stupid things that I didn't take into account, like restocking your kitchen storecupboard, cleaning materials and the wine cellar :laugh:laugh, much needed.

Sal, I got one refund last month. Much more than I thought too. It's just a pain in the bum because they won't accept anything by email :mad:

[wilson182]

I think that sometimes you need to just sit back a bit and look and what you have done and achieved and just give yourself a bit of pat on the back. Its easy to say, but try not to be so hard on yourself.....

[jonSE]

Tia

A lot depends upon what you mean by settled.

I would guess it took us a couple of months to finish unpacking and get stuff sorted. After that we were free to enjoy the new life!

If you mean settled in the way I think of it - we have never got there because we were always waiting for OH to find an appropriate job and hence didn't commit ourselves to buying a house making new friends etc.

In retrospect perhaps we should have assumed that, where ever we ended up would be long term rather than thinking it was only going to be for a few months. (15 Months later !)

This isn't really an answer to your question. But perhaps you are now at the end of physically settling in can get on with starting to enjoy living in NZ, and settling in properly.

[Diny]

It seemed like we were 'dealing with stuff' for a long time - the fact that our house hadn't actually completed by the time we flew out here added to all the hassle.

We've been here 11 months now and all is finalised, settled and running smooth. I think it took about 4 months to get to this stage.

However - it's now all about to start again, we've sold our house (went unconditional on Friday) and have had an offer accepted on another (due to go unconditional this Friday) ........ looks like our peace and tranquility has been short lived.

Hang in there, it'll all come good in the end. Look upon it as character building.

Diny

[pineapplehead]

We have been here almost 9 months, and feel mostly routine now. I think I suffered 3-4 months of intense adjustment. Job adjustment for OH took longer. With many up'n'down bumps since then for all of us.

There are still many things to learn, though. I have struggled with the medical system, education and preschool offerings, and waiting lists for all the above. And I think this will continue, given an unfamiliar socialized system. Still figuring out medical insurance, haven't seen a dentist and I should...

On the up side, travel and weekend outings have really been great. If you can find the time to do that once or twice a month, it helps to enjoy the new place you chose and worked so hard to get to.

I've learned to celebrate small victories. And keeping those "to do" lists are good to show accomplishments. Even though my progress may be slow on those lists, when they are mostly crossed off, it is time to start another. Helps in times of panic to lay out my plan on paper.

It is similar to having a baby (or many other life transitions). Four months or so of upheaval, fear, learning, not having a clear picture of the lifestyle when there is a crying baby to comfort and you don't know how...

[Lukas]

It really depends on so many factors…what you are looking for, the amount of money you are coming the job opportunities and so one. To settle is not difficult particularly outside the big cities…there are lot of decent houses to rent at a reasonable price. Those coming with families would find easily to relocate…to nest…simply because they are looking for a nest to live quietly and to grove kids. For those coming alone…it is a different story entirely…finding friends, finding the place to socialize, the place to feel alive…So far I was unable …In November ....4 years since I put my step in Aotearoa.
Of course finding a woman...to share your life...just difficult.

[Avalon]

Tia Maria

hang in there!

I think it really took be over 9 months to feel kinda settled. Mostly because i was living in the city which was utterly alien to me. Once i moved back out into the country it felt a lot better.

One factor which made a huge difference to us was getting to know other expats who had been here for years. Thye really helped us navigate our way round the way things work here. Whta the different areas were like; where to get the food we were looking for; what the country had to offer that we hadnt found ourselves yet; how to get round the maze of searching for and buying a house etc.

There does seem like a never ending list of things to do and to organise - but it really does come together in the ned - i promise. But it is different for everyone. Some peopel settle straight away - some of us take longer. Juts remember there is no right answer, and no "One True Path" to be a successful immigrant. One day you will probably wake up and realise that you have felt comfortable here for a while - you may not even have noticed when it happened - you will just feel better. Thats what happened to me anyway.

Hugs

[Smiler]

Sorry I forgot to say,

without the help and support of people I have met via this forum, I don't think I could have settled as far as I have done. :nice1:nice1:nice1

[MB]

Tia,

I mean this to be an encouragement when I say that I am not surprised that you have spent 3 or 4 months post-arrival sorting things out. That does not strike me as abnormal, FWIW. The only aspect of it that concerns me just a trifle is that you seem a bit concerned by the state of play right now.

In my experience, perhaps the most stress-evaporating and perspective-inducing stance to take is one of surrender. Not, of course, surrender in the perjorative sense of giving in, but in the empowering sense of allowing settling-in its natural tides and rhtyhms. As you so rightly imply, moving to a new country is complex and tiring. It is also, if you know what I'm getting at, a life-size experience, the whole nature of which is that it is done in real time and calls on all strands of one's life: new people; money; education; distance; immediacy; socializing, etc. So it might well take time to sort, this side of the long flight.

When I have 'hard slog' feelings or demands like this, I try to remember to get to the near-side of what needs to be done (if I decide it needs to be done! :laugh ) and herd it all, leisurely, from there, i.e., from the side and preferably with a can of Victoria Bitter in hand :cheers ... rather than standing in the middle of the road and trying to fight my way through it. If it needs three hours, it needs three hours, if only because "If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well it were done quickly". lol

How about that, people? That's the third Shakespeare quote in about three weeks. I think I'm going to put a cap out on the sidewalk from now on, so you can all tip me and applaud. Or at least punch me in the face for being a goody two-shoes. :laugh :laugh

[Tia Maria]

Thanks for all your replies, I'm sure you realised its taken me a while to reply, as things have been so busy! For me the problem really is the practicalities. I've lived and worked abroad before, so knew how the whole homesickness/making new friends thing, would go.

I think smiler described it best by saying:

Lately I fall into bed physically and mentally exhausted.

That is exactly how I feel, then getting up the next day to sort out more to-do lists. Maybe there is something in the nature of people who emigrate, to take on a lot more than most other sensible people would consider. In fact thinking back, I remember lots of my friends saying exactly that same thing - except it was more along the lines of "you're completely and utterly mad", ha ha!

pineapplehead - I was thinking the same thing - it is like having your first baby. Then, all you concentrate on is the pregnancy, the birth and ending up with a healthy baby. And you don't dwell on the concept of months of sleepless nights after that! It really is after the birth the hard work starts - some might say for the next 18 years!

MB - I probably sounded more stressed than I am, what I am is exhausted! The sheer amount of energy involved in modernising a house, looking after 2 children, not yet at school prooves to be too much sometime. These things have to be done, and I'm the only one to do them, as OH is busy settling into a new job. I'm sure you're right, its nothing a night out, or a full nights sleep, (both children have been ill), wouldn't solve, but they're just not options at the moment. Hence, I wanted to get an idea of how long I'd have to 'hang in there' for. Hopefully, I can find my equivalent of a bottle of VB!

It really is good to hear that it is such a common experience, and speaking to those who have made it to the other side, so to speak!

Cheers

Tia

[Simon & Emily]

I think smiler described it best by saying:

Lately I fall into bed physically and mentally exhausted.

That is exactly how I feel, then getting up the next day to sort out more to-do lists. Maybe there is something in the nature of people who emigrate, to take on a lot more than most other sensible people would consider. In fact thinking back, I remember lots of my friends saying exactly that same thing - except it was more along the lines of "you're completely and utterly mad", ha ha!

No Guys - please don't say that you have to go through it all over again once you land :wah

I feel like we've all been running on empty here for at least a year, trying to get everything together for the final push to get there. We've finished re-buidling our house, got in on the market, tied up most of the loose ends, broken the hearts of some of the family, and been up past midnight virtually every day just trying to catch up on normal living.

You've gone and shattered our cosy little illusion (I knew it wasn't real, but we could delude ourselves) that once we'd stepped onto the plane, we would be able to finally relax and take some time for ourselves. :roll

Ah well, back to the valuations and climbing over boxes ......

Emily

[MB]

MB - I probably sounded more stressed than I am, what I am is exhausted! The sheer amount of energy involved in modernising a house, looking after 2 children, not yet at school prooves to be too much sometime. These things have to be done, and I'm the only one to do them, as OH is busy settling into a new job. I'm sure you're right, its nothing a night out, or a full nights sleep, (both children have been ill), wouldn't solve, but they're just not options at the moment. Hence, I wanted to get an idea of how long I'd have to 'hang in there' for. Hopefully, I can find my equivalent of a bottle of VB!


Tia - I like your distinction between being exhausted and stressed. Cheers - I'll think about that. BTW what I meant in my rather long-winded answer was that
a.) I think it's normal and I just didn't want anyone in (y)our position to make things a trifle worse by thinking it was abnormal
b.) by "surrender" I meant that it's all such a big change that perhaps it's best just to accept the drain on energy, in order not to *add* to that drain by fighting what shouldn't optimally be fought. In other words, recent arrivals aren't missing out on something by finding the first months hard work.

Finally, I sure hope that nothing in my reply came across as meaning "Just go see a movie and then get your eight hours for once and it'll all be fine". :laugh . Although I agree that would sure help, big time (esp. if you're exclusively exhausted) I don't want you to think I'm saying anything 'pat'.

What I WILL say is that with you're current load I'm not surprised that you feel so tired, but that things will probably get better over the coming weeks and months (e.g., OH will settle more into job; children will get into 100% health; you'll make friends in the neighborhood and/or find a little time for yourselves, etc.) Again, my only hesitancy to give a timeline is that doing so might be, ironically, another little kind of clock-tick pressure on you or other folks in this position (including us! :laugh ) :nice1

[Smiler]

Hi Emily

I didn't mean to scare you. :laugh

Just saying how it is for me. I'm doing a lot more here for 'us' and our company than I did in the UK. I'm very slow on tax and accounts etc and just about grasped how to do it in the Uk and I'm starting over.

Plus I'm doing all the settling in. OH has slipped in like he's a kiwi, not a missed step, nothing. I'm shy and find it incredibly hard to meet new people and the 'face time' stresses me.

It does get better, I promise you. I've meet lovely people via this forum who have been incredibly supportive when homesickness has almost stopped me breathing. I take time out from my working day and joined classes, I now breeze in like a regular after 3 weeks. I have never turned down an invite, something I learnt from a forumite, and met some interesting wonderful people. Now I know don't care if the accountant thinks I'm a dunce for the dumb tax questions.

As MB puts it, it's a lfe size experience. Just think of how difficult it was to learn when growing up and squash that down into a few months. The difference is (to me) I now know what we are aiming for, in the UK our focus on our personal lives was fuzzy and dominated by work. We had a business plan for the company but not us. Here we have plans and a future of our making.

When I'm running on empty and it all gets too much, I just take myself and my book off to the Chocolate Fish for coffe and the world starts to come right again. :clap even if they do run out of carrot cake.

You'll be fine, 30 hours+ on a plane and you'll be begging to get off and start your new life.

[Babette & Andy]

Hi Tia

Hope you're having a good (better?) week. You have got a lot on your plate. Your kids are adorable but exausting non the less and don't forget you're not exactly yourself either with No3 on the way! It was lovely to meet with you at the AKL meet the other weekend. Health permitting, you'd be more than welcome to come across with / without the kids, would be lovely to meet up again and I'm sure that my 2 will entertain your 2! Keep in touch, call if me you fancy a natter or a moan.

Babette