[jo b]

Well, where do I start. I have been delaying this post as I really don't know how to articulate well enough what I want to say.

We 'ummed and 'arred for 6 years on whether to go to NZ. When finally I said to hubby we either do it or knock it on the head and I don't want to talk about it anymore. So we put plans in place and that was 2 years ago.
In January 2006 we all landed having already visited 3 times previous. After the container came and furniture sorted, kids started school and parents-in-law gone home, I started to look forward to my new life in NZ. We looked for land to build our dream home, then I started getting cold feet building in the town we were in. We would struggle to make our money back on a dream home in a small farming community. So we looked further afield and by this time after 2 months I was getting terribly homesick. Until one day I just broke down in tears and cried for 4 hours none stop. Nothing seemed to click with me. A beautiful house with no loved ones to share it with just didn't cut it for me.
So now I am back in blighty, with a permanent smile on my face. I am so happy, in fact the happiest I have been in a long time.
NZ didn't offer me anything I didn't already have i.e. Excellent job, high level of income, family who love me dearly etc. etc. I know all of you will say straight away, it's culture chock, give it time etc etc. But when you know, you know.
If you had stuck me in the middle of the Gobi desert for long enough I would have got used to it but I wouldn't have been happy. I was going to last the year but we would have struggled getting my daughter in the high school, so we needed to get back to get her in a feeder school so then I can have a good case as I still have to go to an appeal for a place.
It wasn't that I didn't like NZ just that my family ties are so much stronger than I ever thought. If you are close to family like I am seriously think about how it will affect you. I did and still thought I was strong enough to cope but in the end I went under and suffered with major depression......not good.
Also I picked up early on things which some people pick up on after years of being there. One of these was the perception of safety. As this was the major reason for us going, I was obviously aware of signs as to how safe we were. And a few things struck me for e.g. a 14 yr old girl was gang raped by 4 boys in Palmerston North. It didn't reach the tv news nor the national paper. Just a small snippet in the local rag on page 3.
Now if that was the UK everyone would have heard of it. So I suppose moving somewhere where you don't have a history has two sides. One you can feel very isolated and nothing is familiar. Some people cope some don't (Like me). And then you have the fact that because you don't know the history of an area you can be given a false sense of security with the perception it is safe because you haven't heard 'the bad stuff'.

For me NZ is NO safer than the UK, percentage wise. There is good and bad everywhere. And believe you me when I say there are no more friendlier people than Wiganers. I have had more idle chats with everday folk in 4 days of being back, than I had in 4 months of being in NZ.

We would have been committing financial suicide as our income went down to a quarter, then we would have lost pensions, healthcare, co cars etc. Thankfully we still have our jobs to go back to.

I missed so many things about my home town. I also missed working as I was sat looking at 4 walls all day and without a family network to help I would have struggled finding part time work. And to be honest I climb the ladder at work so would have felt short changed working in New World.

One thing it has taught me is to appreciate the small things we have and things we cannot buy such as family and friends.

I was being pulled to NZ rather than pushed from the UK.

So all in all folks I am so happy to be home.

I really wish everyone on the forum achieves their goals and settles well in NZ, as for me it just wasn't meant to be.

Take care Jo

[jo b]

Oh forgot to mention. Hubby is working his notice and selling up and shipping stuff. The kids have started school already and love it.

Jo

[pleccy2000]

WOW!

Well your reasons sum up why I came back - nobody can understand why I came back. Even TODAY (18 months after i came back) my colleague asked me 'why did you come back anyway' and I can never really give a good answer.

You summed it up 'When you know you know'. That's right, you just do and people say 'give it a year or two', but sometimes you just know!

Good luck and also change you location on your avatar coz i was confued when i started reading your post!

***EDIT : you have now changed your location on the avatar!! thanks!! ***

[dawn]

Hi Jo, what a brave decision, I for one am proud of you for trying.

I wish you and your family well in your new life back in the UK, thank you very much for your honest post, it certainly helps put things in perspective.

As we always say, it wasn't for you, but at least you tried.

Good luck.

Dawn

[Bubbles]

Jo,

Health, wealth and most of all happiness to you and your family.

Keep in touch :nice1

John

[zardell]

Jo,

Health, wealth and most of all happiness to you and your family.

Keep in touch :nice1

John



Can't add anything to that Jo, except maybe WELCOME HOME.

Julie n Steve

xx

[Debbie]

JO,
Well done you. The most important thing in life is your health and the health of your family, both mental and physical. I'm so glad that as a family you were strong enough to say this isn't right for us.
I do wonder how many people wish they could do as you have done but circumstances, pride, fear are stopping them.
I don't believe that you have to live with mistakes. If you take on board the consequences and results of your actions and deal with that then it's not a mistake it's a learning experience.
You've had a great experience, even though it may not have felt that great at times in NZ, you now know for sure what is preciouse to you and appreciate it all the more.
Wishing you all the best
Debbie

[katandbob]

Well, where do I start. I have been delaying this post as I really don't know how to articulate well enough what I want to say.

One thing it has taught me is to appreciate the small things we have and things we cannot buy such as family and friends.

I was being pulled to NZ rather than pushed from the UK.

So all in all folks I am so happy to be home.

I really wish everyone on the forum achieves their goals and settles well in NZ, as for me it just wasn't meant to be.

Take care Jo


Jo...You gave it a go, and its no shame to admit that your happier near your family....so good on ya gal for saying it straight.

Welcome Home, and I am glad your happy again.

As it gets nearer to our leaving date I hope that I can cope with leaving Cole and Rachel behind....I will give it my all and see what the future brings...thats all one can do.

take care

Kat xx

[jubjub]

Glad you are home safe, and its working out well by the sounds of it, especially as you can get your old jobs back, thats just great.

Nothing is worth making yourself unhappy for.

[Diny]

Seems strange that you're back over there, just a short while ago we were 'ladies who lunch'.

Good to know that things are falling into place for you, keep in touch.

Diny

[sizzlingbadger]

Good Luck with the future :nice1

At least you gave it a go unlike so many people who just say they're going to do something.

It's funny that quite a few returnees are the ones that are very close to family. I can only imagine that it must be extremely hard to be parted. Both me and my husband have never had family around us, always at a safe distance :D I think that was a huge element in being able to settle quickly and why we didn't get homesick in those early weeks.

[H & Rick]

I think you are very brave making that decision and I can imagine it was not easy.

Home is where the heart is and all that.... ;)

It's comforting for us all to know that if things don't work out we can always come home..


Heidi

[kiwidollie]

I was really shocked to read your post Jo, but you are absolutely right to do what you need to do to be happy. Like everyone else says, you gave it a go and can now look back on your time in New Zealand and accept that you tried it on for size, but it wasn't for you.

I hope everything works out great for you back home. Now that you've got it out of your system you can really settle into life in the UK without the horrible 'what ifs'.

Snuggle in the bussom of your dear family and enjoy every minute! That's what lifes all about at the end of the day isn't it?

Bless you and your family and have a great life

Alison x

[MB]

Jo - what a lovely feeling it must be for you now, to be home and getting used to all the touches that make your home and family so dear to you. Fantastic.

If I can sidestep for a mo, just to comment generally on one strand of what you brought up (homesickness) :
Good Luck with the future :nice1
It's funny that quite a few returnees are the ones that are very close to family. I can only imagine that it must be extremely hard to be parted. Both me and my husband have never had family around us, always at a safe distance :D I think that was a huge element in being able to settle quickly and why we didn't get homesick in those early weeks.

It's beginning to seem to me that the pathology of homesickness -- i.e., the how and the whether each of us experiences it -- can be quite odd. If you were studying it under a microscope, it'd be an interesting wee creature. Chiefly, someone's best guess as to how they'd wager that it would strike them can turn out in practice to be wide of the mark.

Examples:
- you can find yourself yearning not for the country/town in which you were born and spent your formative years, but for one you moved to and from later. Or vice-versa.

- someone whose closeness to family as a child makes them convinced they will find the physical separation from family unbearable can find that 'phone, e-mail and pictures take the edge off and they actually are fine day to day.

- what ends up being on someone's mind a lot might not be, at least directly, their own yearning to be near family, but instead might be the awareness of the effect their distance could be having on that family (e.g., a parent might feel this way about the effect the distance might be having on the relationship between their child and that child's grandparents).

It's very interesting.

Back to you, Jo: all the best. Wigan sounds great. :cheers

[marcia]

Welcome back to the Uk, and the forum Jo - you've been missed!

Hope things settle back down for you and your happiness returns!

keep in touch.




By-the-way........................













We have a nice detached house in Huddersfield for sale!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :p

[Kim39]

Hi Jo,

Glad you arrived safely and,I hope you are feeling fine and dandy now that you have returned. There isn't any point in putting down words cos we have spoken about your decision's over the last few weeks. I just want to wish you, Beth and Kurt all the best in settling back down to normality in Wigan, and also hoping that Ian can sort the stuff out here soon enough and get back to you guys soon. You know i have been struggling over the last 6 months, but things are a little easier now i'm glad to say.

Best wishes to you lass, and remember should you ever been down our way again there always been a cold un' in the fridge for you. And we never got to play those 18 holes.

Kim

[Moorf]

Jo b - All the very best to you and your family back in the UK. At least you now know where you want to be and aren't wondering "what if".

Moorf & Woz

[Smiler]

All the best from us too. Good on you with going for your gut feeling and not struggling on for a year.

Hope Ian gets packed up and home to you and the children soon.







Take care and http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c75/smiler127/emoticons/smileyhug.gif

[tottefan]

Now if that was the UK everyone would have heard of it.

I'm sorry but I disagree with that. Someone in a village near where I live was repeatedly stabbed to death and this was in a small village in the UK. It didn't make the national news despite taking place in a very small and picturesque village. Admittedly, it has been alleged that he was a drug dealer so that might have something to do with it.

However, do people really believe when they move to a new country that it will be a Utopia. Every country has some degree of violence and crime and always has done - contrary to what the sensationalist British media would have you believe. NZ won't be any different. True you will probably be less likely to be assaulted, murdered etc. but that's only due to the much lower population numbers, and the fact that Auckland is the only decent sized city. Otherwise, it's just the same.

I'm glad that you feel that you have done the right thing in moving back to the UK. Despite what many Brits say, the UK is not a bad place to live. Also NZ, like most countries, is not for everyone!


Tottefan.

[Al_S]

I concur, being homesick is a terrible, terrible feeling. I hope you and yours find peace back in your hometown. Nothing better than feeling "grounded". No money in the world can ever give one that joy and satisfaction.

Best Regards,
Al

[StevieD]

Hi Jo, Kurt and Beth, welcome back to Blighty! Settle down, get yourself sorted, see you soon??

Steve, Jan, Kieran and Louisa

[pieeater]

Have a great time back in our hometown flower. After 'giving it a go' for five years now I am finally admitting defeat and hopefully won't be too far behind you.The main reason we haven't bailed out sooner is the fact that my 15 year old son is obviously at a critical point in his education.Get yourself down to the JJB and help those guys get off the bottom of the table.

[Babette & Andy]

Wow Jo, you've had quite a ride. Very brave and strong of you and family to make the decision to go back to the UK. Can't be easy, and I imagine there's probably a lot of unhappy migrants who would wish they had the guts to do it and weren't afraid of reactions of friends / family back in the UK.

I know you researched plenty, were all 100% for it and went through an emotional hell saying goodbye to all your loved ones. On the one hand I'm so sorry it didn't work out as you've looked forward to it for so long. Yet on the other you're never going to have the 'what if' factor to deal with. You've tried it and it wasn't for you.

Wish we'd got to speak / meet before you returned. You know that if you end up visiting in the future you'll allways be more than welcome at ours. Thank you for all YOUR support to us over these past 18 months or so that we've known eachother. We've had lots of fun at our NW meets, remember the mothers day meet we had? Or the famous rounders matches at Diny's parents and Tatton park? They wouldn't have been the same without you & family.

I wish you all the very best at picking up your lives again in the UK.

BIG HUGS to the 4 of you.

Babette & family

[Kali ~]

Hi Jo!
Good to hear a different path to go. We always read at the forum all the strugle to get to NZ but all we know that the result is uncertain, we all keep thinking that all will work out fine, and we close our eyes to a different possibility. But i think that all these things are ment to teach us something... it showed you the love for your family and your home, and you realized that where you were, was exactly the place that you should be. And that's a REALLY good learning. So it isn't a failure, but a great success.

Be proud of your courage, and happy now that you KNOW that you are HOME.

We are just begining our journey into the immigration process, your experience will keep our eyes open to all the possibilities. Who knows how is it going to end for us? So for all the rest of you... enjoy the process, and never give your lifes away to this, because the life is NOW.

Hugs for everyone from the end of the world :)

[jo b]

Hey All

Thanks for all your best wishes.

I have been home now 3 weeks and to be honest I have not had one single regret in returning. In fact it made me even more certain that coming home was the right decision. I nor the kids have not been mugged, raped, murdered (obviously), We haven't sat in traffic for hours on end, in fact I caught the bus the other day and that was very liberating as I hadn't done that in years.
Yes there are still things that pee me right off about the UK but no-where is perfect and there are far more many good things here which out weigh the bad.
Beth has got into the high school we wanted, which was why I returned home a little sooner, as I had to appeal to get her in and I don't we would have had a cat in hells chance if I hadn't have gone to the appeal.

I am frantically searching for a home and that is the hardest especially as Ian is in NZ still packing up.

I start back work on Monday and to be honest I cannot wait (never thought I woudl say that). But you don't realise how much works shapes who you are until you leave it. God help me when I retire!!
Believe it or not I have even been given the same company car back. It was sat at a BT workshop for 5 months and no-one even knew it was there. but to me it's as though it was meant to be. My car was waiting for me. It's amazing how you get attached to cars, especially when they are your part time office.

The sun is shining bright and strong and the weather forceast is great for June and the kids are loving it and keep saying how glad they are to be back home.

Anyway for all of you embarking on this process, my best advice is go in with your eyes open but NEVER EVER be ashamed to stand up and say 'No Thanks, not for me'. I wasn't ashamed and glad I had courage to say so.

Good luck to you all in NZ and about to go.

Jo

[K&CS]

Hi Jo

Glad it's all worked out well for you. Good luck for Monday - I hope they valeted your car for you!

Sounds like you've made the right decision in going back. When will Ian be back? Will he be able to get his old job back? You must really miss him.

Make sure you keep in touch. It would be a pity for someone to have so much input into the forum and then just disappear...

Have a great summer!

Kate x

[Smiler]

Make sure you keep in touch. It would be a pity for someone to have so much input into the forum and then just disappear...



I'll second that. Don't disappear Jo.

Enjoy going back to work, having your car back etc and just being home.

[David with a dream]

Hi Jo, I think we know some of what you went through and as you know came back. It's been a strange old time over the past 18months. Highs, lows the lot but you just know when something is right and doing what makes you happy and is going to hopefully be the best for every one is the best thing to do. So why are we gonna do it all over again........ahhhhhhhhhhhhh been asked a million times. Good luck with the new/old life back in Wigan and all the very best from myself, Lesley and the kids..David

[willsken]

Glad you are settling right back into your old life. As you say there is no shame coming back to the UK if NZ doesn't work out for you. Never say never. I know if I don't like it in NZ I will move on, maybe the Uk or maybe somewhere else. :)

[David with a dream]

Sorry just had tea and remembered a little story a kiwi told me when we where out in NZ. The kiwi lady we met at the riding stable told me of the time she spent living in London. She was living in a house with a few other people from around the world but one man particularly she has never forgotten, a doctor from Africa who was studying over here and was terribly home sick (big time). Any how after he had finished collage he could not wait to get back home. The kiwi lady told me that she kept in touch with him for a year or two but in his last letter he told her that although he had been really miserable and home sick he found that going back was not the answer because 'home' never again felt the same and did not bring him the same happiness he once had there.
This story sometimes rings in my ears because at the end of the day all each of us really want is to be happy.
Hope you don't mind me sharing this story and I am sure you will find your happiness....ONCE AGAIN GOOD LUCK...David

[Rabbit]

Before I came to NZ, I was told that many people end up getting trapped in that they cannot afford to go back to the UK.

It costs alot to come to NZ and just as much and even more to return to the UK.

We have tried to be very careful with our finances, kept our home in the UK and made sure we can cover the costs of returning should that ever be required.

If we stay here for two years, save every penny, then we might break even (just).

If it was a choice between a world cruise, or funding a try in New Zealand (e.g. the costs of getting to NZ and back) which would you choose in hindsight?

[Smiler]

If that question was aimed at all, the NZ option for us. Everytime.

[Rabbit]

just trying to say, that if things do not work out, then it can be very expensive. Also not everyone can afford to re-purchase their place on the UK property ladder, should they need/want to after a period of time.

[Smiler]

just trying to say, that if things do not work out, then it can be very expensive. Also not everyone can afford to re-purchase their place on the UK property ladder, should they need/want to after a period of time.

Absolutely! It would not worry us so much though, as we have been in rentals for many years, and lived in some wonderful houses that we could never have afforded to buy.

[willsken]

It's a question I have asked myself. Until we get there we won't know if we will settle. I hope we do, as you have said moving is very expensive. For me though it's worth a try. Even if things don't work out I think I would rather spend the money on the move than a round the world trip.

[willowshouse]

Friends of ours who settled in NZ have told us they couldn't come back even if they wanted to .. because they sold up when a family house was £100K and it would now cost them £400K to buy back again. It is an important consideration and is the reason my OH refuses to sell up here completely. Hopefully we will still be able to get a NZ mortgage and buy a house over there .. it's just a shame that we'll have to borrow money at 8 or 9 % - so that 'piece of mind' comes at a cost! :roll

Dawn

[K&CS]

Selling our house in the UK was just about THE most important thing to us before we came here. We knew if we didn't, then if ever things got tough, we'd just think 'oh, we can go back home now'. We so desperately wanted this to work and still do, that we didn't want anything to tempt us back if ever times got tough. In a strange way, I find it a comfort to think that we'd struggle to get as good a house if we ever went back - it makes me more determined that we won't go back. I don't think I would have been able to make the move if we hadn't cut those ties.

Oh, and in answer to the question, I would definitely choose funding a new life in NZ over the world cruise - than again, I don't like boats!

If you're reading this, Jo, I hope your first week back at work went well and I hope it won't be long before hubby's back at home with you.

Kate

[spudulike]

Hi, I've rarely posted on here but I arrived in Wellington with hubby and 2 children under 2 in Feb 2006. Having visited before and being sure we wanted this to be a permanent move I was shocked to get here and realise I do not want to remain here forever! I never left the UK because I disliked it and I think I now appreciate what I have left behind - including the opportunity to explore Europe. I have no family so it really is a shock to not feel settled.

Me and hubby have decided to stay for 3 years whilst I do some post graduate teacher traning and head back for the kiddies to start their schooling in the UK. Whilst we're here we will just enjoy it and explore Oz aswell whilst we have chance.

I think Jo that you are very brave to hold your head up and go back, as you say, when you know you know!!

I wish you all the very best with your old/new life.
Louise

[K&CS]

Hi Louise

I'm sorry you're not feeling settled and you're very brave to decide to stay for 3 years. Please bear in mind though, that it's still very early days - you might feel completely differently a year from now. A lot of people struggle during the first couple of years - it could all just click into place.

Hope you feel a bit better soon and keep us posted about how you're getting on.

Kate

[Diny]

Time scales are all over the place when it comes to feeling settled/never feeling settled.

I had a hell of a time of things when we first arrived (a year ago) - then I started to feel good after the 6 months mark - things started to fall into place etc.

Now - at the year mark I'm back to having a hard time of things. Like Louise, it took a move here for me to really appreciate what I left behind.

I'm liking life here - but I can never imagine making old bones in the NZ - only time will tell.

Diny

[dave k]

Hey Jo...like everyone here has said, shame stuff didn't work out but glad to know you're happy with the decision.

I often think that I'd be back home too if I didn't live in Wellington. I've travelled a fair bit round the country & I honestly can't think of anywhere else that I could actually live for any length of time.

Dx

[ENZ]

Some people were concerned that they were taking over Jo's thread with talk about the education system so I've split off the education discussion and put it here:

http://www.emigratenz.org/forum/showthread.php?t=6929