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Hannah
30th June 2006, 08:54 AM
Hi Everyone,

Those who remember me from a couple of months ago will know that I went off line for a bit while I worked my notice at work in NZ and flew back to UK to join my family (who returned a month before me).
Anyway - I returned back at the end of May, returned to my old job, old house and old life, and got on with discussions about where we go from now.

I spent the first few months in New Zealand wondering whether it was the right place for me, indeed we all wondered that (apart from my daughter who was happy to live in a street full of other 7 years olds) but over the months New Zealand grew on me. By the time I left, 7 months later, I really didn't want to go.

We've talked and talked...and sadly my other half doesn't feel the same. He's fallen back into his old life very comfortably and can't imagine heaving us and all our stuff back over to New Zealand....the expense of yet more flights, shipping furniture, finding a house etc. etc. It's something he just can't face. He has friends and hobbies here that he only realised how much he missed when he left the behind.

I on the other hand feel like i've left friends and hobbies behind! I miss people that I only knew for a short time but who touched my life with their kindness and openness. I miss the sea, the sun (although we do have some here at the moment), and the rest of the package. I even miss my old job...despite the long hours and the stress (which I feel I could negotiate my way out of).

So for now we're staying here. OH hasn't ruled out going back in a year or so, but I appreciate his reasons for staying. We always agreed at the beginning that if both of us didn't choose NZ then we would stick with the status quo (NZ). Maybe if we sold our house before we came, maybe things would be different. But i know he wouldn't have come out under those terms.

funny really, because i was the one who didn't want to come to NZ in the first place. I loved the UK, loved my home, my job etc. and now I feel different...I felt more at home in NZ by the time I left.

When i arrived in NZ i thought i would be the one sending a post in 6 mths time saying how glad i was to be back in the UK, how NZ just wasn't for me. I didn't expect to feel like this. I've been back a month and miss New Zealand more each day!!! I've returned to work to a huge NHS wide restructure with its accompanying job insecurity, confusion and a complete decimation of my team since I last worked there...I think that may be contributing to the way i feel as I have no idea what is going on each day that i walk into work. I haven't returned to find that I hate the UK, just that I liked New Plymouth, I liked the people there, and I miss the place like mad.

Still, we'll plod on and see what the future brings. My children have settled back in easily, although my older one (who is 11) has that stressed look on his face again each day he comes home from school! Maybe a long cold winter will sort my other half out! I'm happy with his reasons, I understand why he doesn't want to go back, there's no bad feelings about it. It's just how it is and we know we have residence visas to go back any time in the next 2 years. I worry that the later we leave it to go back the harder it will be for the children (esp my older one) but we'll deal with that when and if it happens.

I'll stick around on the forum though to advise and support those who were like me a year ago - excited, worried, confused, anxious, impatient and every other emotion that comes with taking a leap of faith into the unknown. For anyone wondering whether they are doing the right thing in taking that leap of faith I would say absolutely. I have no regrets, nor does my other half. My chidren have grown in confidence and we have another experience that takes us further in the journey of life. That's priceless and will remain with us all no matter what we do with our returners visa over the next 2 years.

I wish all the very best to those about to take the plunge...I've been wondering about people like Jameelka, Nanny Ogg, Marcia and a few others over recent weeks as it's all happening for you now!!! You guys will be answering the questions like professionals over the next few months!

Better get my sleepless daughter into bed now. Bye for now!...Hannah

pleccy2000
30th June 2006, 09:00 AM
Hi,

I feel the same as you. I have been back in the UK for 16 months now and I think about NZ every single day. Thankfully we are heading back there in a few months time.

It only hit me how much i liked NZ when I arrived back in the UK!!!

Best of luck to you and your family.

Paul and Linda
30th June 2006, 09:09 AM
Hi Channa, we have missed you all a lot in the last month or so. You have managed to miss out on winter here, which has been unusually cold, yet I still suspect that a normal winter still gets pretty cold.

We miss the old double glazing and central heating and work is still a pain at times.

We miss popping round to see our families, but for the mo as long as I can get along at work (or even change my job to one locally if it gets a bit much) then were here for the next few years.

I'm working 4 ten hour shifts tues to frid at the mo which gives me the luxury of a 3 day weekend, but means that my evening consists of get home eat tea go for a walk read the kids a book go to bed (I love my electric blanket).

Perhaps if I sorted out some other forms of heating etc my waking hours in the winter may be a bit longer!

Anyway, give my regards to everyone and try to focus on the good things about being back in the UK (TEA!)

Paul, Linda and the Kids

Diny
30th June 2006, 09:22 AM
Hannah.

Good on you for sticking together as a family - at the end of the day, that's what it's all about.

It's very difficult when there's a split in opinions, my husband loves it here in NZ (it's his home after all), I find it a difficult existance offering nothing more than my life back at home did. Like you, we are both sympathetic to each others 'wants' - and that takes some doing at times doesn't it?

Whatever happens for you in the future I wish you all the good luck and best wishes in the world.

Diny

K&CS
30th June 2006, 09:23 AM
Hi Hannah

I'm sorry that you're feeling a little bit low about being back. You're right - maybe a long cold winter will sort hubby out. Even though it's been pretty damn cold in NZ the last few weeks, I still find winter easier to cope with here - possibly it's the bright sunny days and longer daylight hours - I don't know.

It must be hard when a trial in NZ leads to one half wanting one thing and the other something different. Like you, I thought I'd struggle to settle, but thankfully that hasn't been the case. I suppose the fact that we've sold up in the UK makes us determined to make this work because it wouldn't be easy for us to just pick up our old life in the UK now!!

At least you're in the middle of summer and you've got friends and family around. Make sure you keep in touch with all your new NZ friends - hopefully you'll see them all again very soon. Let's hope you feel settled soon and enjoy the summer!

Kate

Smiler
30th June 2006, 10:04 AM
Hi Channa

Great post. We were wondering how you were doing? Did you get my email on your gmail addy?

I hope you can work it all out eventually. Maybe John will have a rethink during winter but if not, as long as you are all happy and together with the decision, good luck wherever you may decide on.

It was great to meet you all while you were here. I hope the kids settle back in the Uk too.

Thank you for all your great posts and advice, keep in touch.

Deborah x

NannyOgg
30th June 2006, 10:14 AM
Hi Hannah,

Good to see you back. And I will be in touch with a 1000 more questions!

Thankls again Channah

Nanny xxx

marcia
30th June 2006, 09:46 PM
Hiya

really wierd reading tour post, i was only thinking about you yesterday and was goning to email tou today!

What can I say, so sorry that things are 'difficult' for you, must be hard when one of you wants one thing and the other something else, takes a strong relationship to be able to deal with it, just keep those communication lines open between you both!!

Thanks for all your advice, on the forum, emails and phone calls make sure you keep in touch, you never know we could meet up back in NZ one day!!

Good luck be happy where ever you decide to be! :)

StevieD
1st July 2006, 12:45 AM
Hannah, fantastic post, from the heart, and excellent advice for us all ready to take that 'leap of faith!' Once our house is sold, the bricks and mortar 'anchor', it is off to Aotearoa. Yes we are leaving family and friends behind, but we have friends to go to who are already in NZ - our forum family who we have grown close to over the recent years. OK, more thatn likely they won't be on our doorstep, but I feel that if you have options left open for you, such as house and jobs, it is an easy task, (if very expensive), to slip back, instead of working to a solution.

Good luck whatever path you take, and if you do move back south, sure us and marcia will keep a tinny in the fridge for you!

Cheers

Steve

willsken
1st July 2006, 05:38 AM
Lovely post Hannah - Thats what the most important part is, sticking together as a family no matter what! I hope your OH changes his mind and you can make the move back soon.

Hannah
1st July 2006, 06:29 AM
Thanks Guys,
Weird thing is that the whole time i was in NZ i wasn't really sure about whether i would prefer to be there or in UK. I was easy either way. Have been back about 5 wks now and i KNOW - for the first time in the last few months i know the answer. The one thing I was afraid about when I thought of coming back to NZ again was saying goodbye to what I have in the UK, and yet now I'm here I realise I could just book that flight tomorrow and walk away from it all without a hint of emotion. No doubts, no wondering, totally crystal clear that it would be the right thing for me.
It's not that I hate the UK or that I have some idealised opinion of NZ, it's just that now having lived, worked and breathed in both I'm clear about where I'd prefer to be. I don't have a desperate yearning for New Zealand, I just know in my mind I could fit right back in and would have no doubts about returning. And selfishly it is not because it's the right thing for my kids, it would be the right thing for me. That's what surprises me so much!
The doors still open for us, and we haven't absolutely ruled out returning. Hubby needs some time and I understand that.
will keep in touch, hannah

Hannah
1st July 2006, 06:30 AM
PS

Paul and Linda

Tea - yep, absolutely. Yorkshire tea, followed by tetley and a hob nob.

but give me NZ any day!!!!!! (still, off for a decent curry tonight!!!!!!)

David with a dream
1st July 2006, 07:54 AM
Hi Hannah,

Lesley and I have gone through something similar so we can really understand where you are coming from. We both wish you happiness in what ever you choose to do..........David & Lesley

K&CS
1st July 2006, 09:41 AM
Hannah, I really do find all this very interesting. I'm sure you've probably posted the reasons for this before, but why did you all decide to stay such a short time before going back to see if you'd be happier in Blighty? Most people seem to come out with at least a 2 year plan. If you'd been here a little longer, then hubby might not have slipped back into his old life quite so easily. 6 months seems a small period of time to base the decision on - at 6 months a lot of people are still either in the 'honeymoon' or the 'homesick and hate it' stage.

Anyway, let's hope you feel a little bit more settled soon. And enjoy your curry, you lucky thing!!

Kate x

Avalon
1st July 2006, 01:29 PM
Hannah,

Well, im sorry in a way that you went back, but also glad. You arent ruling anything out - but you have all done what you needed to do. At the end of the day - thats all any of us can do.

And if, like David and Lesley - you decide you do want to come back - you will be so much further down the line than most people. You will know the pitfalls, the good and bad.

Wether you stay in the Uk or come back to NZ one day - you took a chance and you went for your dreams. Very few people EVER do that - and you should all be proud of yourselves for firstly deciding to take a risk - and then having even more guts in decided to go back home.

{{{hugs}}} to you all.

Hannah
2nd July 2006, 05:07 AM
Cheers Avalon!

Kate, we went off for six months because i had a career break from work and that's all a visitor visa would allow us. So from the start we budgetted and planned for a six month stay, with return flights booked for then. We took out a six month rental and, to be honest, didn't come to NZ with an absolute view of staying. I think we were different from most people on the forum - we left our house empty, didn't ship stuff over, rented fully furnished, and arrived on hard earned savings with a view to getting a job and trying out a different life. That may explain why many of my postings do not have the 'I will make this work no matter what' feel to them - we were having an adventure, trying out a different life...with no strings.
Yes I agree that if we came over lock, stock and barrel with nothing to return to then hubby would probably not have come back...but then we would not have ever come over in the first place if that was the case. We were truly open-minded. NZ had to sell itself to us, we hadn't decided we wanted to buy into the so-called dream. We felt that if something big happened while we were there that drew us away from the UK then we would go with it. Indeed I came to NZ with EVERY intention of going home in 6 months and getting on with my UK life, chuffed that I had a bit of experience under my belt. I am therefore the one that is so surprised that not a day goes by when I don't miss the damn place!
I hope that explains why we did things the way we did. We applied for PR so we had the choice (easier to apply when you are there and have a job). Even as I put in the application for PR I wasn't too bothered about whether it was successful or not. It was purely a formality. If i knew what I knew now I would be terrified that it would fail !!!
Whatever happens, I will have learnt 'heaps' from this whole experience...I just hope in a few short months we will chose to book that flight back!
hannah

K&CS
2nd July 2006, 08:56 AM
Here's hoping, Hannah! Thanks for explaining - I'm sure you've explained your circumstances before on here - it's just hard to remember everyone's story sometimes! As you say, whatever happens, you've had this experience that no-one can take away from you.

Kate

wheelsofsteel
4th July 2006, 09:49 PM
Interesting thread. Echoes our feelings quite closely too.

My advice is make the most of the situation you have found yourselves in.

We lived in NZ for nearly 3 years and moved back to the UK late last year. We rent our house out in NZ and have indefinate return visa's, plus like many of you, love both countries.

Using our time here to pay off debts and other financial stuff like that, to lay the foundations for an even more relaxing time in NZ when we return.

We love both countries, but feel that on a day to day level, NZ is better for us and the children longer term, but loving living back in the UK too...for now.

Good luck.

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