[smitjo]

HELP! :eek:
I’ve been doing so well of late, ticking along on auto-pilot – merrily counting the days until we fly and then today…..bang…it hits me! Things seem to be going so well here, my OH was offered a job promotion today with company car etc and it got me thinking – why are we leaving good jobs, financial security, my horse and for what…..the total unknown. :eek: I’m so scared that we will struggle to find jobs and just start eating away at our savings and then of course have to start from total scratch again! I just want to cry, so I spoke to my mum to cheer me up and she said: “Well don’t go then!” – just what I needed to hear! :wah

I know why we are doing it, I’m just struggling today and need some friendly support!! I'm such an idiot at times!!

[Cardiff Irons]

Hey, what are we here for if not to help each other through moments like these. I reckon we've had about 30-40 of these panic attack moments (shall we/shan't we?) and that was just this morning :D!

Sometimes it's just good to revisit the reasons why you originally took the plunge and filled in the EOI. What were things that attracted you about NZ and what are the things that detract from where you are now? If it helps, write it out on a bit of paper (or, hopefully, several bits).

When you're done, think again about the thing that is causing you to panic. Is it still a really big deal, or is it just a bit of an irritant? If the former, then DO rethink your strategy. I suspect, however, it might be the latter.

Sometimes it's worth asking "what's the worse that can happen?". If you had to start from scratch, could you? Would you really be starting from scratch, or just a slightly worse position than you are now? You'd still have each other, you'd still have the qualifications/experience to get good jobs in the UK and you could get another horse.

Not sure if I'm helping here or making things worse :uhoh, but if nothing else we're going through exactly the same thing as you, so at least you know you have kindred spirits.

I'm sending you a cyber-hug to make things better (if you're male, perhaps you'd be so kind as to treat this as a firm handshake instead ;)).

Good luck


Steve :nice1

[marcia]

As Steve (cardiff irons) said most people on the forum will own up to having panic attacks, I think its all part of the 'normal' process!!

I've had days when the slightest thing sets me off in tears, and we haven't even got visas, sold the house or booked flights yet - lord knows what I'll be like a few months down the road??!! They'll be issuing severe flood warnings in Huddersfield :D

Do as Steve said and make a list of the reasons to go and reasons to stay - lists are good they get the thoughts out of your head (so there room for more rubbish in there :o )and you can work through then much easier when you can see it on paper.

And at the end of the day, if things don't work out, you can always say you tried instead of sitting here in 10 years time saying - we should have tried!!

{{Big hugs}}

remember you're not on you're own!

[zardell]

Don't for one minute think that you are all alone in feeling like this....believe me, you're not !!

I am only capable of answering this thread today 'cos I finally think that at last, I have put thing into perspective (well, for me at least)

If this is the first time that these feelings have hit you, well, be prepared for more.

In all honesty I truly feel that when we start this roller-coaster ride, we are pumping with excitement and thoughts of a new life/land/adventures etc., but we are still carrying on with our everyday lives - then suddenly, before you know where you are, you're in deep and then you begin with the 'Yes, but we're not in too deep that we can't get out' thoughts.....am I right ??

I have to say that some days, the little irritants about the UK that used to be an accepted part of my life, turn into the main reasons for leaving and give credence to our decision being the right one. Other days I just don't want to change our lives at all.

Then something happened last week........we went away for a few days holiday.....needed to de-stress and chill out in a place where nobody knew us and no pressure could be put on us for anything other than deciding whether we wanted another beer or shall we have a Coke this time...decisions, decisions.....but I digress.

Our old dog (who was a worry to us as we knew we couldn't take her to NZ with us, 'cos she couldn't stand the journey) had gone to stay with some friends of ours whilst we were on our holidays and whilst we were away,they rang us on the mobile and asked if they could keep her. We agreed that it would be good for the dog (although not for me, I cried buckets) but it was good to know that she had a good new home and that we can now relax and go to NZ in November in the knowledge that the dog was happy. Another hurdle dealt with.

Anyway, on returning from our holiday and driving up our avenue, I looked and as our house appeared I was shocked to realise that that's all it was - a house. It wasn't a home any more - it just looked like every other house in the street.

There would be no Dinah-dog there to greet us so it wasn't our home anymore, it was just a house - an empty shell and in a strange kind of a way that made me happy, because it made me realise that our home is anywhere where WE are, NOT the bricks 'n mortar or our belongings.........US. Its US that can make US happy, not what we have got or are leaving behind.... it's US.


Our kids are grown up with kids of their own and now, when we talk, I've begun to hear the positive things they say like 'when we come to visit you Mum, it'll be soooo good.....' Before, I was only hearing the negative comments like 'you won't be here for Christmas....'


I now feel a lot more ready to make this move and in fact, I am quite looking forward to leaving the past where it belongs-in the past and I'm looking forward to the future without the same fears or senses of loss that I had before.

I'm sorry I've rambled and pinched your thread.....I didn't realize how much I had to say until I started saying it.

Neither did I realise that it would be my Dinah-dog that made all things seem right again.

Julie.

xx

[Angelonthemove]

Hi

We left the UK 3 years ago to come to North Cyprus to live, we gave up good salaries paying £150k between the both of us. We have now lost half our money here and its been hard lesson to learnt. BUT we will not go back to the UK, instead we have finally filled out our EOI after we did a reccy 12 months ago to NZ (got married there at the same time, his parents are in OZ). NZ has so much more to offer than the UK ever could. Probably easy for us to say as we now live on an Island that is not recognised and has very little to offer. But having been back twice recently I can not imagine living there ever again, and not just the weather.

Everyone is right to say revisit all the reasons why you decided to go. Also, did your partners company know he was emigrating, and would he have got the promotion if they did not know, just a thought. Plus if it is a promotion it will also mean more stress. Cars are just cars, but then I'm a women.

Hope you feel more secure in your decision soon.

Take care

[Gumbygreeneye]

At the end of day what you can't get back is life experience - to say "you've done it all". You sound like you are at the time in your life when you can go. Another few years and you may not be able to go. You can always come back, but you cannot buy back time to do it again.

Remember too, that all of us are panicking to degrees and that we probably will have several flids to go. I'm due to fly out in the next 3 weeks and am trying to coordinate everything and panicking too. So you are definitely not alone!

[Cardiff Irons]

Cyber-hug for you too Julie. Made sad reading :( but it sounds like a positive at the end of it all.


Steve x

[Debbie]

Smitjo,
Don't worry, it must be the weather, or the day for it, or a funny moon or something...
Same thing has happened to me today. We are 95% of the way through selling the house, due to move in Sept and today my mum phones me in tears and asks me "what do I think Im doing?".
We told her 10 mths ago about this and she has refussed to be drawn into a convasation about it all this time. I haven't been telling her of my plans as I don't want to be seen as ramming NZ down her throat, but today.....
My son is preparing to leave preschool, and every other day it seems come home with a collection of his early school art memories. Im having to brave taking him to our local Primary for induction even though I don't think he will be going there.
I've fallen back in love with my house, now that it looks like it's finally sold.
I spent most of this morning with tear red eyes and a runny nose and lying to everyone about a summer cold!

Smitjo; I don't know when the panic will pass but I've stopped asking myself if it's the right thing to do. If you can look at this and say that 'it's the right thing to try' I think that's good enough.
Debbie

[zardell]

Cyber-hug for you too Julie. Made sad reading :( but it sounds like a positive at the end of it all.


Steve x


Cheers Steve.....I was hoping that the positive side would shine through.

It sometimes feels that we just can't get the 'losses' to outweigh the 'gains', but I'm sure that our new lives in NZ will balance the scales in the right direction.

At least, I hope so.....LOL........ :D

Julie

x

[willsken]

Cheers Steve.....I was hoping that the positive side would shine through.

It sometimes feels that we just can't get the 'losses' to outweigh the 'gains', but I'm sure that our new lives in NZ will balance the scales in the right direction.

At least, I hope so.....LOL........ :D

Julie

x

They will, you're going to love it there. I know you well enough to know that you will take this challenge on and carve a life for yourself that will make you really happy.

xx

I feel for anyone having the panic moment, we have all been there. I've found myself at odd times thinking about it all and end up in tears for all the things I'm leaving behind. BUT then I make myself look at all the things we are hoping to gain as a family and I feel happy again. We don't fly until December and I expect to have many more moments like these before we do.

[smitjo]

Thanks guys it really does help to read all your wise words! My head just feels a little mixed up at the moment but like you all said - 'we all go through it' and hopefully it will be worth it in the end.

Thanks again you have put a smile on my face for the first time today :nice1 I didn't realise how many tears one body could actually shed in a day!!!

[Carol]

At the end of day what you can't get back is life experience - to say "you've done it all". You sound like you are at the time in your life when you can go. Another few years and you may not be able to go. You can always come back, but you cannot buy back time to do it again.

!



Wise words!


On my really bad days - and yes I STILL get them!! - I make myself think about all of the things I have achieved in the last ten years.


ANd then I stop and think about all the things I could still yet do........

[Smiler]

Wise words!

On my really bad days - and yes I STILL get them!! - I make myself think about all of the things I have achieved in the last ten years.

ANd then I stop and think about all the things I could still yet do........

Nice one Carol :nice1

Big hugs Nic, Julie, Debbie and Jo ( and any one else who needs one) :D Steve you can have a handshake.

The majority of us have or had these feelings. OMG what are we doing? Why are we doing it?

As the old wise sage Steve says, go back, revisit your reasons for starting this road. When you get confused in these moments, it is easy to take the what on earth are we doing tack and pull back to familiar things, rather than concentrating on pushing forward, actually doing it and what you want to achieve from it at the end of the day.

It's still hard for me and we're here. But I think about our long term plans, our future here and how we are working towards our little dream, it does all slip into perspective and I feel better (most times:clap).

I'm highly likely to have bad days in 10 years, I'm just that kinda person.:o But looking at Carol, her lovely kids and everything she has achieved, I'd like to think I can do it too.

Any time you need a rant, moan or just someone to listen, just do it on here. We're all in this together.

[jo-and-jeff]

My sister and her husband (Americans) spent around 12 years living in London, Singapore, and Hong Kong. In each case, one of their employers asked them to go and the other's employer made a place for them there, so they didn't have the job uncertainty (although he changed companies whilst in the U.K.) All of their 3 children were born overseas. I can't begin to imagine what a rich cultural experience base this has given those kids, which will serve them well — perhaps give them distinct advantages — in the course of their lives.

Before I left, I visited my sister over Easter and during a rare quiet moment, we sat and talked over the kitchen table. I mentioned to her that we were a bit concerned about NZ not working out and having to go back to the U.S. "with our tail between our legs".

She said, "You can't think about it that way. You have to remember that it is simply a new phase of your life, the thing that you are doing now. It may be that, in a few years, you'll decide that you need to be doing something different, living somewhere else. If that happens, you'll deal with it when it comes."

Granted, consciously choosing to set your financial situation back a lot or even a little is not something to do lightly, and its ramifications cannot be ignored. But if you manage your expectations — investigate the new situation thoroughly, know that all things may not be better than your previous situation, and concentrate on appreciating the things that are better, it will make emigration a much better experience. I imagine that most everyone who moves to NZ has to learn to creatively adapt, improvise, and adjust. Choosing to regard that process as an adventure to be relished, rather than an ordeal to be endured, is the key.

[Avalon]

HELP! :eek:
– why are we leaving good jobs, financial security, my horse and for what…..the total unknown.

Ive been reading a book lately that had something to say about this which kinda had the effect of walloping me round the head and made me look at it a very different way. I hope it helps.

Basically - you can have secuirty - or you can have freedom. Seldom do they go together. To see this in action - you have only to look at what is happening in the States; The UK, Australia. In increasing our security in these countries - our freedoms are being taken away. Come to NZ - you wont be told you are at risk from Terrorists, laws such as the patriot act will not be enacted. You will not see posters telling you to be suspisous and report anything strange. You will not be "secure" from the threat. But you WILL be free.

The book was actually talking about financial security - and said much the same thing. You can have a good job and the security that comes with a steady paycheck - but it wont often give you financial FREEDOM. For that you often need to step outside the box. And that is scary.

And so is emigrating. As soon as you actually decide to do this - you are stepping out of the box. You are daring to actually do something which most people only dream of. But most people live life in an "its alright for you" kind of daze - if only they had your money / family / background - they could do the same. You are not doing that - you are going for it.

Imho - you are right to be scared and panicking - cos its a scary step. But do it - and you can do anything! Lets face it - after packing up and moving half way round the world - what cant you do? You will have an amazing amount of freedom, if a little less security for a while.

Ok, treehuggin over :o

[Phil & Ali Smith]

Thanks for that Avalon,

That's the first time I've read something along these lines that actually makes sense and means something to me.

If you could let me know which book you read, Id like to read it too !

Ali

[K&CS]

Feel the fear, and do it anyway!!! What's life if you don't take some risks and have adventures?

Kate x

[Avalon]

Thanks for that Avalon,

That's the first time I've read something along these lines that actually makes sense and means something to me.

If you could let me know which book you read, Id like to read it too !

Ali

No problem - its called Rich Dad Poor Dad's Prophesy (Theres a whole series of books - but thast the one with the security bit) by Robert Kiyosaki- not exactly the place to go looking for such words of wisdom - but I am finding that help can often be found in the wierdest places!

:cheers

[NannyOgg]

Fear is all part of the range of emotions we mortal being are programmed with. It can come in very usefull at times - when we are in real danger. But aren't we all fortunate enough to live the kind of lives that allow us to be free to make these kind of decisions and therefore experience the plethora of emotions that go with them.

A terrified Nanny x

Although I am off to see Pirates of the Caribbean 2 tonight so that should take my mind of it for a while :nice1

[wilson182]

Granted, consciously choosing to set your financial situation back a lot or even a little is not something to do lightly, and its ramifications cannot be ignored. But if you manage your expectations — investigate the new situation thoroughly, know that all things may not be better than your previous situation, and concentrate on appreciating the things that are better, it will make emigration a much better experience. I imagine that most everyone who moves to NZ has to learn to creatively adapt, improvise, and adjust. Choosing to regard that process as an adventure to be relished, rather than an ordeal to be endured, is the key.



Wise Words Indeed

And so is emigrating. As soon as you actually decide to do this - you are stepping out of the box. You are daring to actually do something which most people only dream of. But most people live life in an "its alright for you" kind of daze - if only they had your money / family / background - they could do the same. You are not doing that - you are going for it.


I was given advice similar to this when we were going through the process of getting out here, and it really helped to put things into perspective.

I also lost count of the people who told me that, on finding out what we were doing, that they had passed up a similar opportunity many years ago, and just wonder what would have happened.