[Babette & Andy]

Just a thought I'd like to explore. As some of you know my (Dutch) parents, brother & sister emigrated to Nelson in Sep'03. Lots to tell about this ofcourse (bottom line they love it there). But, my brother is finding it very difficult at the moment :(

He turned 16 in June and has been attending a boys college since they arrived in Nelson (changing to a boys/girls college in Feb'05). We all know how horrible kids/teenagers can be to eachother, and whereas he was deemed 'interesting' when he first arrived with him being from Europe etc, this changed after a few months with him being teased continuously for being 'slow' to catch up on things. This was/is mainly due to him having to master the English language at a very fast speed, this all in adolessance years that are already difficult enough.

It's really knocked his confidence from being an outgoing lad that would only come home for meals or clean clothes, to one who spends too much time around the home driving my mum crazy. My parents are quite worried about him.

So, to cut a story that could be far longer short, I thought I'd explore the forum to see if any of you Dutch ex-pats or ex-pats to be (or maybe even other countries' ex-pats) have teenagers who have/are going through the same? Think you know what I'm trying to say. They are more likely to open up to eachother to than to parents or big sisters.

Anyway, any thoughts much appreciated.

Babette :cheers

PS He obviously has no idea I'm posting this thread

[Lily]

Hi Babette
I (NZér) and my Dutch fiance are moving to NZ in 10 days time! :hopeso

It is very sad that your brother has had his confidence knocked down in NZ.

It is very typical for teenagers (and all ages for that matter) to what we call in NZ "take the p**s" out of others, not because we are being mean but more that we actually really like someone. I think that the Irish call it messing with someone.

Could it be that this is what is happening to your brother and that due to a language barrier he is reading things the wrong way (which would be totally understandable.)

When my fiance met two of my NZ friends for the first time the husband automatically started hassling Henk just because he was at ease with him.

Does your brother have a sport that he is interested in that he could join - this would be a great way for him to make friends and also socialise out of school with others his age.

Anyway just a thought

Regards
Lily

[Diny]

Hi Babette

I'm sorry I can't help out with your problem but just wanted to offer a little support.

Your brother must be having a dreadful time, all the added pressures piled on top of his normal 16 year old 'issues'.

I think Lily may have a point when she suggests that the teasing may be meant in good humour, the added problem with the language barrier may mean that he's only hearing the words - not the good hearted humour in which they are spoken.

However, it's easy just to put the situation down to your little brother getting the wrong end of the stick. There is obviously a problem which needs to be addressed. I just wish I could come up with some magic cure. I am worried whether my children will be an initial novelty when they start school but then become the target of ridicule ..... it's a situation which I feel I wouldn't cope with too well.

I think 'the new' kid is laid wide open for all kinds of attention - both positive and negative - wherever they are in the world, but as a final observation, drawing on personal experience, I sometimes think the 'friendliest people on the planet' label which has been afforded the Kiwi's is a slight stretch of the truth.

I hope all turns out OK for your little bro, I'm sure he's looking forward to having you around.

Diny

[leslie]

when we moved to uk with our now 14-yr old daughter she managed to 'get along' by adopting everyone elses way. before she pursued her own interests and excelled, everyone thought she was 'cool' etc, if a bit mysterious! the more she stood on her own 2 feet in uk the more everyone came to want to do what she was doing and the more other students understood her interests the 'cooler' she became. she has found way this again and its amazing how her confidence is climbing. when you know what it feels like to be happy in your own skin it is very hard to lose it. but, it is also a normal part of growing up and learning about oneself. and always remember being like everyone else is not always the best thing...

i had a problematic family/ upbringing and the lesson i learned is when you are happy with yourself and have interests you pursue which then build your confidence, regardless of the norm, people quickly are attracted. teenagers must, more than anything, be true to self and find good outlets for their strengths, even if their strengths seem uncool. if all else fails, being dutch is cool!

[Diny]

Well said Lesley.

[Babette & Andy]

Thanks for your kind words of support. Agree with most of what's been said, but unfortunately he hasn't just been imagining it, i.e. not getting the sense of humour. A school councillor has got involved. Good or bad, I don't know, but at least things are being talked about.

Yes he is a keen sportsman, in Holland was very much into athletics and football. The school he's currently at only do Rugby, which is one of the reasons he's moving next schoolyear. He's very tall (6ft) and loves most sports really.

I'm sure he'll get through it, and his English isn't bad at all - he has no problems speaking with my hubby or daughters. Just a very hard period for him, being 16, out of his comfort zone and then everything else. Hard for him too, as he was the main advocate in the family for the migration to NZ!

I'll keep you posted, but in the meantime - any suggestions welcome.

Babette :nice1