[willsken]

The boys went to my mums today so they had to say goodbye to their friends and our old neighbours. Wow, I felt so upset for them. Devastated was the look on Matt’s best friends face. I've got tears in my eyes now just thinking about it. I know they will keep in touch and I have invited him to stay when he's a little older but I can't help feeling so guilty splitting them up. They are both 13 so it's a hard age to do it to them. Tom my younger boy is lucky as he is the son of my friend who is also moving over to nz. Our neighbours of 10 years, an older couple with no children and have played a big part in our children’s live were in tears when we went to say goodbye to them. I don’t think I realised what people had become to me until moments like this. :wah :wah :wah :wah

[Carol]

I don’t think I realised what people had become to me until moments like this. :wah


And so starts the lesson of the immigrant.

I'm still learning....... 10 years on.
:uhoh


Good luck Nicola.
(((())))

[jbharvey]

Agree with Carol.

Our hardest goodbyes were to my best friend and our dog, who went to live with my parents. It was heart wrenching when we put her on the plane, but she's absolutely loving where she is now with the other 3 dogs to play with hehe. Time will heal all wounds and you'll meet new friends....of course they won't be the same, but that's how life goes. New experiences, new places, new friends. At least we have the 'net to email back and forth.

Justin

[willsken]

And so starts the lesson of the immigrant.



This is the awful point isn't it Carol? :no No matter how much you read about other people’s experiences and know you will feel upset, nothing prepares you for the reality of it. This will get worse before it gets better. That much I do know.

[Hannah]

Hi Nicola
We have it all to come in January and I'm dreading it! We went to NZ for six months last time and it wasn't so bad saying goodbye as we knew we were coming back. This time it's for real - i know we can keep in touch by email etc. but it's that casual contact you have, the cups of teas, the 'just droppped in', the nights out and take aways in, the babysitting each others kids, friends over to play, and so on....that happen so easily and so unnoticed because you live within a couple of miles of each other rather than 12,000 miles away.

We were thinking of moving within the UK before we considered NZ and realised that those neighbourly friendships would be just as challenged by being 100 miles away as they would by being 12,000 miles away ... and of course that our good friends who lived locally could themselves move on at some point. however, it won't make that goodbye party any easier!!! We don't have much close family as such, so no real problems there, but our friends are as important and it's not easy. I'm in a daze at the moment, talking about moving to NZ, planning for it, packing etc etc etc but not really feeling it. I expect it will hit me when i hug people good bye. I know we're doing the right thing, I have no doubts ... but seeing the look on people's faces when I tell them I'm going has left me realising how much we meant to some people (and feeling guilty that I'm hurting them by leaving).

Nicola, I know it probably doesn't help to know...but you are not alone. There's some on this forum that have left loved family members, even grown up children, behind....and will always miss them. We just have to trust that we are doing the right thing for our own family and accept that the nature of the friendships/relationships with people will change - those that are important will withstand this test.

All the best, hannah

[willsken]

Hi Hannah

This morning, until we went to pick Matt up from his friends I was also in the daze. Not really thinking about how hard it would be. I really think the look on Matt's friend face will haunt me for a long time. I was in tears earlier and Ian asked if I was thinking of mum. It was that look I was thinking of and I know there will be a few more of those in the next week or so. It will get better I don't doubt that but it's so nice to read the supportive replies. Thanks so much :)

[Tia Maria]

Hannah wrote:

and feeling guilty that I'm hurting them by leaving.

I think this was the bit we weren't prepared for. We'd spent day in day out for months getting ourselves and our children use to the idea of going to NZ, while we sorted everything out. Whereas, friends, particularly children, obviously don't think about it every day like we did, so I think even though you tell them months in advance its still a shock to them.

So I have a few of those looks imprinted on my brain also. I think we probably should feel guilty, I'd be miffed if they did it to me! I think this is why the ones who leave often have the responsibility of maintaining the friendships even though we tend to be going through a lot more upheaval.

Nicola - hang in there. I think children have the most honest reactions, that's why its so hard.

Cheers

Tia

[Carol]

It IS a form of grief.


Look on it as somethng you have to get through. Imagine it as a big black hole.

But each day that passes puts a small slim ring of new experiences, friendships and adventures around the black hole. It's bright and shiny and new. It could be golden or orange or yellow or white....

After a week - it is a glow.
After a month it is a warm band.
After a season - it is starting to become the size of the blackness.
Afer a year - while the black hole is still there - and always will be - it has been completely engulfed by the new bright ring. And the black has turned into a warm ruby red.
At the heart of the ring - is an intense feeling of love.
It is always there.
But now - the new experiences are part of it too.

In other words.....time is a great healer.:yes




woah - not sure where all that came from at 11:30am on a Monday morning!
:D :nice1

[willsken]

Nicola - hang in there. I think children have the most honest reactions, that's why its so hard.

Yes, only a child could show that level of emotion so open and honestly. :yes




In other words.....time is a great healer.


:D :nice1


You're so right. Time will be everything. I just hope friends made will be as precious as the ones we have now. That being said I still know, for my boys, as much as we are putting them through it at the moment we are doing the right thing for them. This has always been for them and at the end of the day they are worth it all. :)

[nippa&pippa]

oh gosh you got me crying :wah , has brought back memories as only just nearly two months ago since i left UK!

Hardest was goodbye to best friends and mum's network as belong to really good mum's group, 20 of us! we had curry takeaway party in my house :nice1 , on the lounge floor cos of our stuff was on way to NZ! and families....

I am now getting there and manage well without families so far....we are trying to organise the best xmas so far for kids and us! Our xmas tree still in the box...lounge is full of boxes waiting to be unpack, hmmm :roll

[Nienke]

Nothing much to add to what has been written here, just wanted to give you a cyberhug {{}} and hang in there Nicola!

[Kim39]

Has just brought a few memories back to me also. I can remember our two girls getting all emotional with their friends, and neighbours getting all teary eyed when that last 48hrs were upon us, but the sods haven't bothered to contact us since (neighbours that is):mad:

As everyone has said your son and his good buddy have email, MSN, even the phone to use, so they aren't really that far away to have a good chat about the footie or girls back home;) The world is a smaller place now with all the technology that is available to us.

One thing i will say and it stood me in good stead is, never say "goodbye, but see ya later" that has helped me, as i left my 77 year old dad behind, and 3 weeks into this adventure he lost his 44 year old daughter to cancer, but also his son to a country 12000 miles away.

Good luck with it all Nicola.

Kim

[marcia]

Nic sitting here reading your post with tears rolling down my face- (having a difficult couple of days myself at the moment - probably the thoughts of xmas without family - but we will be with new friends so it will help a bit!)

the only advice I can offer is, just let it out because it certainly isn't good to bottle it all up. It is hard but try, once the goodbyes have been said to look forward not back at what you've left, but what you are moving onto, a brand new start, a big adventure, and remember we're all here to help you through the rough times, and you'll gradually meet new friends who you will get close to eventually.

Sending you lots of great big hugs across the waves!

PS We drove through the village you are planning to settle in on our way to Hawes Bay this weekend looks a nice place and the sun was shining there!!! :nice1

[Smiler]

Hi Nicola (and anyone else with this difficult hurdle to jump, Hannah et al).

I can't add anything constructive that the wise woman hasn't said already and because I'm :wah reading your posts.

But children do see/say it like it is and it's hard because maybe they don't fully understand. What's 12,500 miles when you're a kid? Luke Skywalker lives there eh? They are much more resilient than us oldies though, thank goodness.

I just wanted to say I understand how you feel and I'm also sending big cyber hugs. It's not going to make those goodbyes any less traumatic, but I hope it helps you cope with the next few weeks.

((((((((((all of you)))))))))))))))


D x x

[spudulike]

Hi Nicola, can't add much to the other posts. I can remember the goodbye's all too well - people who we never realised cared really expressed sadness about us leaving and my brother's had started to build a wonderful relationship with my two children so it was very difficult to leave. I wish I could say it would get easier soon but you'll probably feel worse before things get better.... :(

Since we've been here there has been a birth, a death and two weddings in our families - all of which make you realise you are far away, however they are ' moments' and what you need to remember is you will be coming to a better life with lots more wonderful 'moments' with your new friends.

Wishing you all the very best. Be strong as it will be worth it when you get here!!

L :)

[Marie P]

I still well up when I think of my last moments with family and friends.

Flip side of the coin is ...........when you get to see some of these people again when they come to visit :raebanana ........I know we are lucky as so many rellies and friends have booked or are booking flights to come and visit.

It is very easy to see and talk via web cams conversations .

Best wishes ,

Marie x

[katandbob]

I still well up when I think of my last moments with family and friends.

Flip side of the coin is ...........when you get to see some of these people again when they come to visit :raebanana ........I know we are lucky as so many rellies and friends have booked or are booking flights to come and visit.

It is very easy to see and talk via web cams conversations .

Best wishes ,

Marie x

JUST Make sure you can get Broadband before Buying a House :uhoh

And it gets just as hard when they feel they are missing out on what their old friends are doing -

In fact Jordon has booked his ticket home and is leaving on the 29th - he is going back to finish his apprenticeship with his old ECITB crew.

Your boys are 13, they will make new friends - join clubs, etc....

Jason is 16 and starts college in Feb and is happy to stay, so I guess the younger they are the easier they adapt.

I have 2 of Jasons Best mates booked in for a lengthy stay when they turn 18, and Jason keeps in touch with msn chat.

Hes been enjoying working, and has even bought his brother a pressy (oops Better get a move on hadn't I)

I got them a Wii to share - Guess Jason lucks out on that front - Jord will be leaving it all behind

So I guess I better make the most of the next 7 weeks... :rolleyes:

[Diny]

The boys went to my mums today so they had to say goodbye to their friends and our old neighbours. Wow, I felt so upset for them. Devastated was the look on Matt’s best friends face. I've got tears in my eyes now just thinking about it. I know they will keep in touch and I have invited him to stay when he's a little older but I can't help feeling so guilty splitting them up. They are both 13 so it's a hard age to do it to them. Tom my younger boy is lucky as he is the son of my friend who is also moving over to nz. Our neighbours of 10 years, an older couple with no children and have played a big part in our children’s live were in tears when we went to say goodbye to them. I don’t think I realised what people had become to me until moments like this. :wah :wah :wah :wah


Nic - have only got a couple of minutes 'on line' time and haven't had a chance to read all the replies to this post.

I just wanted to let you know that a year and a half ago my boys had to say goodbye to their mates, the scene was pretty much as you describe it above.

As you know, we're home on holiday at the moment. The 3rd day we were here the boys met up with their mates - had sleep overs at their houses and have been joined at the hip ever since. When they met up it was like they'd seen each other yesterday - not a year and a half ago.

What I'm trying to say is that real friendships will endure any amount of separation - and the get togethers are FANTASTIC.

Goodbyes are heartbreaking but the hello's are wonderful.

Diny

[Hannah]

It's been a week of goodbye's and 'lasts' (last gymnastics class, last day at school etc.) for us this week. Had my leaving do at work today - found myself saying 'see you when you visit NZ' to so many of my friends there. Really doesn't feel real yet - and doubt it will till that plane moves off (although have the 'leaving party' to deal with yet). I agree with the previous quote that said 'see you later' and not 'goodbye'. A really useful strategy at the moment.

I know the 'daze' state well - am in it much of the time. But sometimes i get a wake up call. Take today for example - Had christmas party at our swimming club tonight and just had so much fun, with so many good people, and did stop and ask myself 'what am i doing leaving this all behind!' because it suddenly struck me that this was the last time I'd be involved in an event at the swim club (i'm a volunteer there and my kids swim for the club). And yet i know i've got the fab New Plymouth swim club to look forward to! It's those special things - like the swimming clubs where we have loads of really friendly and willing volunteers, all pulling together to give the kids such a good time....(and people complain that community spirit in the country is a thing of the past). Just come to our local swim club and then tell try arguing a case for that!! I know I can come back and see friends, and email/phone them. But my son will never swim for our local swim club again, I'll never time keep for them again, and those things seem just as hard to say goodbye to. I spend probably in excess of 10 hours a week at our swim club - it's nearly as big a part of my life as my work!!! i feel genuinely saddened to leave it behind.

Oh well, rambling now....off to get a curry now (will be one of my last!!!!!!)

hannah

[willowshouse]

Oh Hannah,

Like everyone else who has posted - I know how you feel. I can't say anything better than what has already been said. 'The last time' is the hardest thing .. when the kids left school a week before we flew I refused to say goodbye and told everyine I'd come back at school pick-up time just for a chat and a hello and I did that twice in the next week so although I had people saying goodbye and good luck it was never definitively 'the last time'. My strategy was not to think about the 'I'm never going to do this again' .. it is very hard and you can't always do it but for the sake of my sanity I just had to block some stuff out.

Very best of luck to you all,
Dawn

PS. Even though my kids cried about leaving they have not yet expressed any regrets - 7 weeks in (and I asked them straight out what did they think). My 11 year old phones and skypes her best friend about once a fortnight and we keep up with all her family's news.

[Diny]

and people complain that community spirit in the country is a thing of the past). Just come to our local swim club and then tell try arguing a case for that!!


Have to agree 100% with you there !!!
Been back home on holiday for 3 weeks now and have to say that I'm totally bowled over by how friendly and team spirited people are. I think having lived away and spending the last year and a half listening to everybody 'diss' the UK I'm noticing just how wrong alot (not all) of the anti UK comments are.

Hope the goodbyes aren't too hard Hannah - all the best for the trip. Hope to see you back over there sometime.

Diny

[spudulike]

Have to agree 100% with you there !!!
Been back home on holiday for 3 weeks now and have to say that I'm totally bowled over by how friendly and team spirited people are. I think having lived away and spending the last year and a half listening to everybody 'diss' the UK I'm noticing just how wrong alot (not all) of the anti UK comments are.



Thank goodness!! That is so reassuring to hear, I was starting to get worried a little bit about going back home and wondering if I was just remembering the UK through rose coloured glasses!

Glad you're having fun Diny!!

Louise :)

[K&CS]

Maybe I can spark off a north/south divide argument lol! I don't think you can generalise about anywhere, but I think where you're from in the UK makes a big difference to whether you experience community spirit or not. I do think that the further north you go, the friendlier people are and that sense of community spirit is more likely to be there! Ditto for whether you live in a big city or a small town/village etc. Plus a lot of it can be down to luck!

Good luck to all those about to say the goodbyes.

Kate x

[kiwidollie]

Hi. I sooo know how it feels for you at the moment.

My story is a little different to those above as once I arrived with my family in New Zealand it just didn't get any better! I tried for six months to tell myself that I'd get used to being away from friends and family that I loved dearly. That didn't happen and I knew deep inside that it just was not going to happen..... ever!

My parents came out to visit us and that just made me more certain that whatever New Zealand had to offer, it was not enough - nothing was more precious than family and that I needed to be with them all the time. MSN and telephone calls just didn't do it for me. I need to actually 'be' with them. To be able to see them and smell them and touch them.

My husband and I separated and he is still in New Zealand and loves it so much he is planning to stay there permanently and make a new life for himself.


We really felt we did everything we could to prepare ourselves and our kids for the move and we all believed 100% that we were doing the right thing by going - it was our dream.

Having been back in the UK since September the kids and I are settled in and enjoying our life here. We treasure times with family and friends and are gradually getting used to there being 3 of us instead of 4. The kids miss their Dad very much and we are all of us sad at how things have turned out.

I hope things work out well for you and your family and that you have the wonderful new life you are looking forward to.

Best wishes

Alison

[Mexican in NZ]

Hi there!
I know is very hard, all my family is back in the states or in mexico and is been so hard for me to adjust of not having them close by. I do know that if u have a partner(husband, boyfriend ) the things are easier. Is good also to start socializing as if u have good friends u wont be missing home as much, the key is to keep busy, and remember that there is not a perfect worls and we need to enjoy the max whatever comes on our way good or bad as we never know what the tomorrow has prepared for you.
Also how great now there is internet and so many ways to keep in contact with your love ones, before none of this amazing technology was there for the people to enjoy.
Send you my best wishes and love,
Adriana

[spudulike]

Hi. I sooo know how it feels for you at the moment.

My story is a little different to those above as once I arrived with my family in New Zealand it just didn't get any better! I tried for six months to tell myself that I'd get used to being away from friends and family that I loved dearly. That didn't happen and I knew deep inside that it just was not going to happen..... ever!

My parents came out to visit us and that just made me more certain that whatever New Zealand had to offer, it was not enough - nothing was more precious than family and that I needed to be with them all the time. MSN and telephone calls just didn't do it for me. I need to actually 'be' with them. To be able to see them and smell them and touch them.

My husband and I separated and he is still in New Zealand and loves it so much he is planning to stay there permanently and make a new life for himself.


We really felt we did everything we could to prepare ourselves and our kids for the move and we all believed 100% that we were doing the right thing by going - it was our dream.

Having been back in the UK since September the kids and I are settled in and enjoying our life here. We treasure times with family and friends and are gradually getting used to there being 3 of us instead of 4. The kids miss their Dad very much and we are all of us sad at how things have turned out.

I hope things work out well for you and your family and that you have the wonderful new life you are looking forward to.

Best wishes

Alison

Hi Alison,
I am so sorry to here of your experience, it must have been and still be very difficult for you and your children - and indeed your husband who must be missing his children very much.

Like you, NZ was our dream and where we intended 100% to settle permanently but we also feel that we cannot live here for numerous reasons, including family. No matter how much you consider the impact it can never be measured until you move and try it out. I'm very lucky that my husband is feeling the same as me and would prefer to be home for now. I think it is much easier with technology nowadays but as you say, if the need for physical contact is greater then you need to do what is best for you.

Hope your old/new life in the UK is a good one and good luck to all making the move!!

L :)

[Hannah]

Alison and Spudulike,
Your stories just demonstrate what a rich and diverse bunch move to and from New Zealand - this forum is just a tiny snapshot of those who take the plunge and what an amazing bunch we are!
I hope that what you take away with you is no regrets about taking that step - and a whole lot of learning about yourself and about life. You both have a great attitude towards it all that suggests you have no regrets. Good on you.
The family thing is a bit different for me in that my other half and me have no real close family, it's really just friends we are leaving behind. I say 'just' friends - I guess they are like our family. I loved NZ when I lived there, but my other half is kind of on the fence a bit - he'd just as happy stay in the UK as he would go to NZ...so i think if family were in the equation we'd be back in the UK and staying in the UK!
Christmas time must make it so much harder - big hugs for all of you out there missing family back home.
Good Luck Alison and Spud - I truly wish you the best with wherever your life takes you from here...and HAPPY Christmas!
Hannah