[Caroline and Dave]

We are interested to find out how and if relationships have improved or got worse since your move to NZ.For those with kids,has the move strengthened your relationship as a family and for those without has the move strengthened your partnership. For those who are single has the move improved your social activities?
As we are yet to move to NZ I cannot really comment but Caroline and I are very close and I doubt that the move will make things worse. It will probably bring us closer together as a family
I apologise if this is a bit personal but I thought it would be interesting to know what the effect on such a major move in your lives has made on your family relations.

Kindest regards

Caroline and Dave

[NeilV]

Not there yet but the strees of moving in a month and all the decisions involved mean at the moment we DEFINITELY argue MORE :(

[katandbob]

as a couple we dont argue any more or less than before - But Jordon on the other hand has been the sting in the tale - he is better now he knows he is off back to the UK, and has promised to try be more happier in this last month.

He has gone off on the Quad with his new I-pod Nano that Jason has bought him. and he as downloaded all my (crap as he puts it) songs as he hasnt time to wait to down load at a slow speed!!

ha ha, Kids....oh well better get back to the cooking xmas dinner!

Kat

[Babette & Andy]

No real difference, but have voted - argue less. Much more reliant on eachother has made us appreciate the other more (aahhhh). The stresses (for us) have been higher than we imagined, as we thought the whole moving from the UK process had enough stress already. Still glad we've done it though (10months in).
Babette

[veronica]

would say pretty much the same on a personal level but we have gone from me running my own business back home, to the pair of us jointly running two businesses here. that has taken some getting used to and we have both had to take stock of things and negotiate when reaching decisions. not always a peaceful process.

[thepiesleys]

STRESSSSSSSSSS

The 6 months prior to coming over were stressful, and that has carried on unabounded over here. Starting to calm down now we have furnished the rental.

Kids: Eldest (13) seems to have calmed down, middle one (8) is OK but the youngest (2 1/2) is suffering from the turmoil, his behaviour is pretty bad on occasions. He needs some stability and routine back in his life so hopefully that will happen now.

Thats what I think but my wife may have a different opinion.

Dan

[gil]

No difference, we didn't argue much in UK and don't here either.

My iniitial reaction to this thread was thinking that moving to a different country won't resolve any underlying relationship issues, but on reflection, there are definitely ways in whcih this sort of move can be a positive force eg what Babette said about relying on each other more, opting for a different work pattern (as Veronica said), perhaps having less financial pressure (not for everyone, I know :yes) or more space, plus you'll have been through a lot together even before arriving in NZ and it's shared experiences and doing stuff together that helps build strong relationships.

Gil

[willsken]

I’m going to make a comment here. I won't vote as we're not there yet. I am quite a happy person and Ian and I don't argue very much at all. I have to say though that I have become more and more unhappy as a person in the UK over the last few years. There are things happening around me that I just can't get my head around. I know not everyone coming from the UK will understand but I find bringing children up here a very hard thing to do as a lot of the things I want to protect them from finds its way into my home (and other places) regardless and there is nothing I can do about it. When we went to NZ last year (and I know this was a holiday!) the way things were over there gave me a sense of peace I have been struggling to find for a long time. What I am trying to say is that although we don't argue very much, Ian is aware of the way I feel in the UK and I think being in NZ will see us both happier together. Ramble over, put it down to nerves! :D

[nippa&pippa]

We have argue alot less than before we left UK, because gary isn't stress out anymore since he is not a manager anymore, and also i am not working at night. Our relationship had improving and communication lots better...

[Tia Maria]

I think the best guide is probably past behaviour. Look back at your most stressful times ie Moving House, Having a New Baby, starting a new job etc etc and think how you handled it. The experience of emigrating to anywhere is a combination of stressfull situations:

1) You will be new to an area therefore have to make new friends just at the critical time of when you need your old friends support. There is also an adjustment period when every little thing niggles at you like road rules or where to buy your fave food or in our case we wasted several weekends trying to buy a wardrobe.

2) You will have to find and move into a new house - always stressfull.

3) Yourself and your children will start in new schools/jobs, another gamble if they don't make friends or you do not like your job.

4) No matter how rich you are you will feel like all you do is spend money, if you aren't rich then its often money you can't afford to spend.

5) If you suffer from homesickness this can be very painful especially if your partner is loving it, and doesn't understand why you are so sad. Which leads to another potential issue one person wanting to stay the other wanting to leave - whose dream do you follow?

6) Not knowing a trustworthy babysitter means you might not have a night out for a long time. If the kids are ill you don't have family to turn to and might have to take time off in a job you've only just started.

7) Wanting to return either for a holiday or forever, but not having the time off work, or the money.

8) And of course not to forget the highs and lows of getting your visa and doing your medicals

These are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head. Usually you only have to deal with one or two life changing events in one go, but emigrating throws a whole lot at you all at once.

So my answer is we argue the same as we would have done in the UK, if we had had to deal with all these things in the UK - if that makes sense. Oh yeah and as we decided to have a new baby as well, a lot of times we're just too tired to argue!

Cheers

Tia

[marcia]

I haven't voted cos we haven't been here long enough really, but just wanted to add a few comments.

The stress and hassle does not stop the minute you arrive, don't come thinking all the hard work is over, it certainly isn't.

I personally think until you get your own home and your container arrives you won't feel settled - I don't - even though the house we are in is OK and furnished quite nicely - I want my OWN home, then I'll feel like I can settle properly, get the kids into a school they will be staying in, and start Emerson in Kindy, and start living life - instead of spending so much time trawling the estate agent sites and property papers and viewing properties!!!!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhhhh give me a home where the buffaloo roam and............................................... .. :o

[Soon2baKiwi]

We argue a lot less here. Mostly because we've become a lot less stressed now that we don't have to commute for 5 hours every day and we don't have the financial problems we had and life is just easier in general.

[wanderingoregonian]

We're just arrived, however I'd say since coming here and in the months proceeding the move we've argued more, but in a better way. I think we used to avoid conflict a bit, and with some of the bigger decisions recently that just wouldn't work. So all in all, while there have been some tense moments I feel much much closer to my partner and feel like we've grown closer....

[thepiesleys]

I haven't voted cos we haven't been here long enough really, but just wanted to add a few comments.

The stress and hassle does not stop the minute you arrive, don't come thinking all the hard work is over, it certainly isn't.

I personally think until you get your own home and your container arrives you won't feel settled - I don't - even though the house we are in is OK and furnished quite nicely - I want my OWN home, then I'll feel like I can settle properly, get the kids into a school they will be staying in, and start Emerson in Kindy, and start living life - instead of spending so much time trawling the estate agent sites and property papers and viewing properties!!!!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhhhh give me a home where the buffaloo roam and............................................... .. :o

Marcia

It could have been me writing all of the above , i couldn't agree more,
i would say my family me , hubby and 3 sons have been arguing quite a lot more, but i know that is because there are so many things in the mix at the moment, i also know it will level out soon, . The other day i decided i was doing nothing, i was going to try and give us all a 'normal' day, the kids had someone over to play, I did house work (inc. ironing!) and Dan cooked us all a meal - normality - bliss!