[Tate6]

We are still in the checking/deciding stage. We have two boys--14 and 12, and two girls--4 and 20 months. My 12 year old is all for it. Loves the idea of beaches and snowy mountains so near. He loves to snowboard, swim, fish, and hunt, and can hardly wait to rockclimb, go canyoning, and Zorbing!! However, my 14 year old is not sure he will like it. He likes to fish, play basketball, football, but is more into Playstation and the computer. He says if we move, he wants to stay with my parents. I think he would be fine once we got there and he met kids his age. He is not shy and gets along with alot of different groups of kids at his school.

Any others out there with kids who are not sure?

I mean, I'm sure all of us are torn at one point or another during this journey, and kids--especially teens--with emotions and hormones flying all over, are certain to feel this way!!! :eek

I am interested to hear how others are doing with their children.......
Terry

[Diny]

Hi Terry

Your concerns are understandable, the move to NZ has to be for everybody - kids count just as much.

I think your younger kids will just take it all in their stride. Your eldest sounds like he's got it all planned out - I just know he'll be fine.

As for your 14 year old - I'm sure he'll be fine. It's a massive step for him - just as he's getting 'established' here in this country. He'll see everybody else having a good time and will soon realise that it's not so bad after all.

I know that some members of this forum have been given a hard time by their teenage kids - the usual comments of "you've ruined my life" and of course - "I want to go back home". However, most (if not all) of them have now settled down and are forced to admit that "it's quite cool here after all".

We're in a lucky situation - our kids are 7 and 8, both boys and half Kiwi (thier dad is a Kiwi). They've been to NZ several times and just love it over there - thankfully they're both very excited about going.

It must be abit of a tricky situation for you, having your son tell you he wants to stay with his grandparents. I'd like to bet that you'd be getting a call from him pretty quick if you were to leave without him.

Hope all turns out OK for you - which I'm sure it will.

Diny

[Tate6]

Thanks, Diny.

I know your right. It will just take time.
He doesn't act like he is interested when I am talking to him and his brother about what we may do. Although, he is interested in hearing all about what NZ is like from my sister, who just returned from a holiday there. I will just have to listen to what he has to say and try to let him sort it out. :hopeso

I just want to make it as painful of a transition as possible when the time comes. I am hoping the mild weather and many outdoor activities will draw him away from the PS2 and computer!! As I sit here glued to the darn thing!! :oops:


Terry

[Junnifer USA]

Our son is younger than yours, but here are some of the things I pointed out to him...and now he can not wait!

He will be able to go into town, with friends, on your own, to buy a meat pie...go to the book store and select comic books...things that I must escort him to now. He will have a larger area of free range! Much of it by bike... he can only bike the neighborhood now.

There are more sports to choolse from....

Australia and the Pacific Islands are close enough that we can take holidays there.

Can take your shoes off coming and going to school!

Uniforms are not as regulated (as our particular school)

On Saturdays we will all be able to have a cafe brunch together as a family (vs all the crazy running around we do now)

There are more civic organizations and many more sports groups. Underwater hockey! Net Ball, Diving, and many music groups.
I did underwater hockey in my Australian youth ... then the group went to the barrier reef to snorkel and dive!

My kid has offered to sell all his worldly toy pocessions to help get to NZ sooner!

I spent my teen years in Australia -- what a blast that was!
Hope this helps.

[helen]

We Have 4 kids, 8,9,14 and 18.
The two younger ones are all for going (8, boy, 9, girl), although they comment about missing certain friends they are keen on the move, both love the nature/outdoor aspect, and the idea of owning a few acres of land rather than just a big garden facinates them (Erica has begged dad to make a tree house 'hide' so she can watch all the animals!) The 14 year old (girl) was initially set against the move, then was ok as she found out one of her friends is due to move over there in Dec. 05, so was more ok about it, overall she would prefare to stay here but trusts us to make the right decision for her. The biggest problem has been my eldest son, at first he was very keen to go, but a few months ago dropped the bombshell that he will be staying here to go to Uni. That has been a bit of a body blow to me, and I still haven't got round the idea that I will be leaving him behind. I know he would have been leaving home anyway to go to Uni. but a few miles is very different to half a world away! I am still hoping that he will change his mind and come with us.
We have friends in Auckland who moved out about 3 years ago. At the time their eldest daughter was around 15 and did not want to go, no way, no how (friends factor) the younger two, boy 9, girl 6 were very keen. As it turned out, the eldest girl settled in with friends within a week, by the end of the month she was loving it, the two younger ones however, who no one though would have a problem, took a long time to settle in, with the youngest being very homesick.
I think in the end if one can stay calm, up beat and positive the kids will take reasurance from this. I am sure there will be a few upsets, but if the kids know that you are confident about what you are doing is the right thing for them, even if they can't see it yet, then they will take comfort from that.
good luck!
H

[lynden]

TATE 6
HAVE YOU VISITED NZ?
IF NOT YOU MUST BEFORE YOU COMMIT TO IMIGRATION,,YOUR 14 YEAR OLD WILL LOVE IT,MY KIDS(9&13)DID,WE WENT SKIING DOWN A VOLCANO ONE WEEK AND SWIMMING WITH DOLPHINS THE NEXT AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN,NZ IS A MINI CONTINENT ALL SQUEEZED INTO 2 SMALL ISLANDS AND THE ROADS ARE TRAFFIC FREE(ALMOST).THE WORD WE USED MOST ON OUR HOLIDAY WAS,,,,WOW!!!!!!! :cheers

[Nicola]

We have three boys 14,12 and 4. The 14 year old is quite keen to go, the 12 year old is coming under sufferance and the 4 year old has not got a clue what is going on.

I found by showing them the type of houses we might live in and encourageing them to look at the websites of schools they have been a bit more relaxed about the whole idea.

With my 12 year old I have said why not treat it as a long type of holiday and when you are 17 you can have the choice to return to the UK or not. My hope is that once we get there he will settle in OK and have a good time. :hopeso

But it is still a long time before we move, I expect to get lots of moans and complaints when we get closer to the time.

My parents almost moved to NZ when I was about 10 and I really regret that they decided to stay in the UK. They claim that they did not move because my brother and I did not want to leave our friends. Friends who I lost touch with years ago.

Good luck and I hope things go smothly for you.

Nic

[Diny]

Nic

Quote: They claim that they did not move because my brother and I did not want to leave our friends. Friends who I lost touch with years ago.


Well that just about puts it all into perspective doesn't it? If we can get our kids to look at the situation from that side of the fence I guess there'd be no arguements at all.

Thinking about it ...... As I grew up and 'spread my wings' I lost touch with all but 2 of my best friends from school.

Sadly one of them died 6 years ago - the other one is still a very good friend of mine .............. she's already planning a holiday in NZ !!!

Diny

[leslie]

our 14 yr old daught is furious. but, she loved it when she was 3 and she will love it even more now. the friends thing is hard - true its highly unlikely they will keep in touch but how to explain this? our d says she wants to stay and live with friend who lives in cramped 3 bed council flat on a rather grim london estate - how flattering is that???

as we keep saying to d, the job of parent is to make sometimes hard decisions for better of family. if you believe this it makes it easier (at least once they are asleep)

what is it about 14 year olds???

[lynden]

i have just let my kids read this thread,,

[chips]

14, year olds?
Thinking back to when i was 14, there would be NO WAY i would want to have gone to NZ. Even though i was quite a travelled kid, was even travelling to Italy on my todd by 11 (you could then), it would have been too much.
I guess any age above 4/5when they go to school and make friends, would be a bad time to move kids , but ultimatley you have to final say, as you are the adult. What's stopping them coming back at 18? (Appart from the cost of the flight :roll: )
2 of our 3 boy's are looking forward to it (9,8 & 5) . middle is not so keen. Infact he is frightened of flying- has any one any good ideas, or shall i just give him some fenigan as it's an evening departure.

:hopeso :hopeso to you all Chips

[leslie]

our entire trip to nz - all 25 hours - my 2 year old cheerfully occupied herself with various and sundry, only sitting in her seat for asc/ desc. it was just the two of us. let me tell you that on the return i dosed her with bachs rescue remedy and she slept. have no idea if it was bachs or what but now i never leave home without it.

tell your children that in nz they let children swim in the public fountains, the ones that aren't filled with lillies and fish that is. and, there are statues of peter pan, wendy et al in the botanical gardens in dunedin - wearing their pyjamas!

[jhsay]

Hi Terry,
If the about tricks doesn't work, tell your son to give it just a yr. The move is actually for the entire family. After a yr and he still finds it negative, then send him to his grandparents. I'm sure he'll change his mind in a few weeks time.

cheers.
jinkee

[jo b]

All,

Quote: They claim that they did not move because my brother and I did not want to leave our friends. Friends who I lost touch with years ago.

Funny I had this disscusion with my 9 year old only 2 weeks ago. She is adamant she is going to live with Grandma and go to high school with her best mate. And I said to her that in high school you sometimes find differnt friends.

God only 2 years ago on a 5 week holiday she came back home with a Kiwi accent and I am not joking.

Now my 6 year old. He has asked can he move back to England when he is older. When I ask why he said it was because he wanted to marry Jessica in his class :angel

How sweet ;)

Jo

[Diny]

Our youngest is so laid back it's just not funny. Everything we talk about with him is just like water off a ducks back. I'm not too sure he totally grasps the situation. He has made comments like "well if we don't like it after a couple of weeks we'll come home" ....... I'm not too worried, he's loved it every other time we've been there so I know that after 2 weeks he'll be fine (well I'm hoping).

Our eldest? Well you can forget the dual nationality thing, he's more Kiwi than Pom. I know what you mean about the accent Jo - he picks it up within a day or so and sounds like a local in no time (mind you he hears it all the time from PB).

Last week it was parents evening at school. I trundled along and sat in the library waiting my turn to be called into see 'Miss'. All of the childrens work books were on display for us to have a look through. I had to smile, Fergie had brought NZ into his work everywhere he possibly could:

Invent a fictional character and say where he lives ................. he'd written about BMX Kiwi Ben who lives in Foxton.

Geography .... find a country in the atlas and write 10 facts about it......... yep ......... NZ - along with about 15 facts.

Maths ......... make up some questions in the style of a riddle ............ he's put ....... if you set off in Auckland and make your way towards Palmerston North but you stop off at Ruapehu ...... etc etc etc.

Art ........... a picture of the Sky Tower

R.E........... Write about one religion other than your own ...............you guessed it ........ a couple of pages on Maori legend and Maori Gods (don'tknow whether that counts but I'm sure he's not bothered).

So ...... are the kids looking forward to it? :yes :yes :yes :yes :yes

The jury's still out :nice1

Diny

[Tate6]

Wow! I'm so glad so many have voiced their experiences! As far as going there first, we have a family of six. It would cost us about $12,000 just to fly there, not including any other costs. :eek We have decided to try to come out, just DH and I, with friends who have a business there and make 5 or 6 trips a year. They are going to show us around. My 12-year-old is very mad because he can't wait to go there. But, if we make the final decision to do this, we need the money to make some repairs to our home before we put it for sale.
However, all of the other advice, I will give a try. Especially the one about giving it a year. My parents have already said they would come and spend most of the winter (here) down there with us. I just remember being that age and if my parents had wanted to move, I would have been devastated!! Although, I was such a dreamer (and still am!), if it had been somewhere like NZ, I probably would have been elated!!

Thanks for all of the advice!
Hope all goes well with your children and the move.
Terry

[Wiggles]

Hi All

Well, we have an 8 yr old - he has ups and downs about going back to NZ. He was born there, but we moved back to the UK when he was 9 mths. He's been on holiday there a few times and loved it. It's hard, he's excited at the prospect of outdoor sports & swimming everyday at school in summer, then he's upset at the prospect of leaving his best friend - they've been friends since they were 2. He knows it's going to happen but we've taken a step back and not spoken about it for a while. Don't know if this is the best thing to do or not really. :?

Oh well, I suppose time will tell.

[Diny]

It's so difficult to know the best way to handle it with the kids. Although ours are fine about it (they can't wait), I know that some folks are finding it a little harder trying to sell the move to their kids.

If you talk about it too much, it will take over their lives and they will think of nothing else and it runs the risk of getting out of control. However, if you hardly talk about it at all it may lull them into the idea that the plans have been scrapped so they have nothing to get worked up about.

Poor little devils eh, it's so easy to presume they'll fall into all the arrangements without so much as a negative comment.

Good luck to all those parents & kids going to NZ.

[wayne]

Our neighbours migrated to Aussie sept 03 but their kids aged 6,15,17, had trouble adapting so much so that the youngest was diagnosed clinically depressed and on the verge of a break down,the eldest just flew back to england on his own to be with his grandparents, so they had no option but to give up their dream after 4 months and fly back to the Uk to no house etc.
The whole episode cost them £18.000,they do regret coming back to the UK and hope one day to return to Oz but they have realised it was their dream not their kids dream .
the youngest is now fully OK and back on an even keel .But keeps going on how good it was in Oz ?? :wah :wah
A valid reason for sterilisation me thinks
BL**DY KIDS!!!!!!!!!

[Diny]

Oh Jeeze .... wouldn't you just feel like crowning that kid !!! :roll:

Diny

[lindajax]

Though i'd add my little bit!

My 4 year old Lucy is looking forward to the move very much
But being 4 she , I suppose, doesn't quite get it that its the other side of the world and you can't just jump in the car for visits. try as we may its a difficult thing to get through to her.

Luckily her age means she'll adapt better than any of us!!
I suppose older kids feel it more but personality will have alot to do with it and their ability to make friends and blend in at first.

Hope ALL of EVERYONES children settle well!!!!!!
Love Linda

[Babette & Andy]

Let me add a bit too

Our 2yr old has no clue ofcourse. Our 5yr old figured it all out for herself. Basically we'd decided not to 'worry' her with anything until our ITA had come through (still waiting). When Andy went to Chch in October, we'd told her that daddy was going away on a course for work - and she was very happy with this. :angel However, him going away for 10days also meant he (finally) had to tell his parents about our plans - long story why we hadn't said anything till then, suffice to say previous talk about emigration plans we're not taken very kindly :?

On the night before his flight, he's talking with his parents on the phone etc. Taking 5yr old to bed a bit later she asks: Mummy, is daddy going to NZ :eek Wasn't going to lie to her, and she was really cool about it. She loved NZ back in April, and can only see positive sides to the move :nice1 like living nearer to my family (emigrated to Nelson in Sep'03)

Anyway next morning during the schoolrun she proceeds to tell her friend (and subsequently everybody at school including teaching staff :uhoh ) that we're moving to NZ. Stating she won't be able to have joined parties with said friend anymore, but not to worry as their mums will swap addresses so said friend can send her birthday presents in the post to her :mrgreen: :mrgreen: She's got her priorities sorted :nice1 I ended up having to go into see her teacher and explain all is in the very early stages.

Guess like Linda I'm one of the lucky ones with still relatively young children, who just see all as one big adventure.

Good luck to all with their 'little darlings' :nice1
Babette

[veronica]

While a lot does depend on the character of the kids when all said and done they are your kids and should do what you think is best for them. (I am not including the over 16s as kids)
Having said that we have done the teenager thing and in the same situation we would have bought our two a return ticket dated a year later and asked them to give it the year for a fair trial. it can take that long for them to build up proper friendships. Bribery can work very well, horse riding lessons they have always wanted etc...... I know its not PC but then neither are kids!
Most kids at 6 that are suffering that level of depression should have their school life looked at first. I've seen lots of kids when I worked in special needs who were nervous wrecks at one school but got on ok at others. Sometimes its their peers that are the problem and sometimes its the teacher but generally they are too scared to say that.

[leslie]

re. oz mig / taking children

we invested big in oz idea, but our time there made us realise you dont have half the benefits of nz and yet more cost. in my experience oz/ nz cultures are v different - oz more sexist and yobbish and brash. that said, we immed eliminate family issues from our agenda as i am estranged from mine - long time now - and hub not overly dep about leaving his. this makes it easier - friends become the big issue and that is generally simpler to work with. i too would have looked v carefully at micro-situ with junior...

then again, maybe the parents were unsettled themselves??? that usually gets passed on rather quickly... 'love what you do and your children will love it too'.

[veronica]

totally agree. kids like things to be definate, the more positive you are the better they will respond. most kids feel more secure if the decisions aren't left to them, they do like to know where the boundaries (or safety nets) are.

[Diny]

Couldn't agree more. It may sound abit of an outdated attitude - but kids are kids - let them be just that, if mine are anything to go by, their best friend today is their arch enemy tomorrow and then mates again the following day. The toy they'd die for this week will be found at the end of the garden next week shoved under a rose bush and forgotten. Kids thrive on the love, attention and care of the family unit. To them, location isn't always the main priority.

Leslie .... as for 'love what you do and the kids will love it too' .... you should see my two vacate the room the instant I plug my mic into the stero and start blasting out 'Harper Valley PTA'. :no

Diny

[leslie]

okay, some parents push their luck!