[aliz76]

Hi everyone

I've just got back from visiting my best friend in Leeds, and feeling a bit low :( ...thought this forum would be the best place to chat.

This is going to sound a bit dim, but I think I've been so busy with house-selling, job-finding, visa-awaiting, etc. that I've not recently given in-depth thought to how hard it's going to be to say goodbye to all my loved ones here in the UK, but reality has suddenly kicked in today.

I've just had my last 'girly' weekend with my best mate in Leeds, and although I'll be seeing her again at our leaving do, I won't see her finance or her 2 kids again before we go. When I left today, her eldest daughter (aged 8) got really upset and started crying. I had a lovely chat with her, and talked about writing letters, emails, sending photos, using web-cam/phone, so we would still have chats and keep in touch. But then as soon as the kids couldn't see me, when I got in the car, I almost fell to pieces...I didn't let myself purely because I had to drive back to Liverpool (can't drive with big red puffy eyes!!) but now I'm in shock at how dumb I've been thinking I'm going to be able to cope with leaving......maybe I've not been thinking about it on purpose, because I've got so much to do. :no

I know everyone's circumstances and experiences are different, but just wondered if anyone who's already been there and done it, has words of wisdom on how to cope.

Cheers,
Ali.xx

[gil]

No words of wisdom Ali, just a cyber hug {{{{{ HUG}}}}}. It is hard saying goodbye and yet it's part of the start too, which is a positive. You can't be somewhere new without leaving the old. We keep in touch with family via MSN, Skype email and cheap phone calls and to be honest, have as much contact with some friends we've had for years as we did in UK. Plus there's all the excitiment of meeting and making new friends :)

Hope you're feeling a bit brighter by the time you read this, I just wanted to reassure you that what you are going through is normal and part of this aptly described "rollercoaster".
Take care and look after yourself,
Love
Gil

[Smiler]

Big hugs from me too.

Gil has said it all really. :nice1 It's part of the process that we go through to get here, just not the nicest bit.

I couldn't say the word good bye. I'll see these people again, so I said see you later or something similar. Mentally that was easier than goodbye too. We all cope in different ways.

You'll still have as much contact with your best friend, it'll just all be online, so you'll have to have web cam coffee mornings (or evenings). Think of things that you can do online together, like sending a little pressie and watching her open it and you'll have them to look forward too.

Be prepared for the same feelings when you arrive too and then when they hit you, it's not such a shock. You'll make friends in NZ too. I never thought I'd have the confidence to walk into a cafe and meet a complete stranger for coffee, but some of the people I have meet, have become very good friends. I'm off out for lunch with 3 of them today and even though we've moved out of Welly, we still all catch up once a month or so. :nice1

So having said that Gil had said it all, there's my 2 cents worth. :laugh Take a deep breath, let the tears flow and you'll feel better. It's not goodbye, it's see you soon.

BIG HUGS ((((((((((((((((you)))))))))))))))))

[jubjub]

I never thought I'd have the confidence to walk into a cafe and meet a complete stranger for coffee,


Me either, but you do it, cos you have to..... took me nearly 3 months to do it though! (I have always been a slow starter!), and I still feel weird doing it nearly 18 mths later!

Have another big hug from me http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/Smileys/classic/cuddlepastel.gif (javascript:void(0);) and remember that at the end of the day, all your family/friends are on the end of a phone/email, and if needed only 24 hours away....

One thing though, you do get to realise who your "real" friends are, the ones that make the effort to keep in touch, we have been lucky and don't seem to have "lost" anyone yet.....:clap

[aliz76]

Thanks for the replies, it really is so helpful to hear from people who've worn the shoes and walked the same path.

I think today was the first time for me that it finally felt 'real' that we are leaving (even though we've sold our house and I finish work in 2 weeks!!)....up til now it's been a lot of hot air and talk, all a bit surreal I suppose. At least it means I'll be at little more prepared for the emotions when we really start saying cheerio to everyone in a few weeks.

I'm feeling better now for just having talked about it (at home on my own this weekend) and have taken lots of deep breaths! (not let any tears flow yet as got big job interview on Monday and need to keep clear head....I always get a headache when I cry!)

Thanks again for the support, :)
Ali

[StevieD]

Ali, we in the same boat as you, virtually the same stage - and only down the road from each other!!! LOL

We will be o.k., we have to be. Chin up, just keep busy, hard not to I know, but think of the end product.

Steve and Jan xx

[aliz76]

Cheers Steve and Jan

It's a small world!

Thanks for your thoughts, I think the positive vibes are having the desired effect, feeling cheerier now anyway.

Ali.xx

p.s. Have just PM'd you

[Kim39]

Not really much to add to what has already been said, but just say to yourself its not goodbye, but see ya later. This is how my girls dealt with it. We weren't that bothered about what was in store for us with the goodbye syndrome, but were more concerned about how the move and everything that comes with it would affect them. Glad to say all is good.

Take on board what good old Stevie D has to say in his reply to your PM. Know him and his family really well, and the things they will face in the very near future is what you are facing up to.

Kim

[shakyle2906]

Hugs from me too!!

We have the awful task of telling parents in law next weekend that we plan to move over end of march.

We had been thinking of moving over since October when hubby was out of work and it was still all a dream then. Then, out of blue, found a website for Joiners (hubbys trade) purely by accident, sent over his CV, another company emailed asking for permision to post on their website, and hey presto - three job offers!

Both our sisters know and my dad and have been very supportive, but know the hardest thing will be to tell hubbys parents next weekend (been putting off since christmas). they wont accept it and i can sense a major fallout.....
we are selfish, taking their only grandchild away from them .....

Anyone offer me some advice on how to handle it ??

Sharon
x

[gil]

Hi Sharon,
It's hard to give advice when you don't really know the personalities involved, although the thing that strikes me from reading your post is that grandparents must see that there is a different future over here and that the life your child/ren lead will be "better" in many ways, the outdoors, the freedom etc. If you can be called "selfish" for taking their grandchild away, they might be persuaded that they would be just as "selfish" to deny or spoil the opportunites for their child and grandchild. And they will have a lovely place to visit for holidays :yes

Good luck and I hope you are able to deal with it when it comes,
Gil
x

PS MY hubby announced our emigration to his parents just after they had come to terms with his younger brother's announcment of emigration to Florida. We went first (Nov last year), they are off on Feb 15, so all-in-all we've removed 6 grandchildren from them! And they are looking forward to their visits!

[willsken]

I can only add that I know how you feel. When I said goodbye to mum and dad and my sister and her little girl I was in floods of tears all the way to London (3 hours!! :yes Good job OH was driving!) I will say that since being here and still having lovely chats with them all I feel fine about the whole thing. I just look forward to being able to set up the web cam so I can see them and I am also looking forward to their first visit so I can show them all the lovely things our new life has to offer us and our boys.

[Sam B]

I found the goodbyes really hard, and just like you I hadn't really given it much thought until it happened. The last one was my Dad at Heathrow 2 days ago, that was awful as he started crying and he NEVER cries. Friends were awful too, I found it really, really hard. We arrived 6 hours ago and it's a relief that that's all over. Now I just need to wait and see how much I miss them all!

[Trigirl]

welcome to NZ sam!!!

[gil]

Hey Sam, you made it! Welcome! :raebanana:clap

Gil

[Smiler]

YAY! Welcome to New Zealand Sam. :cheers:cheers

[Ana&Steve]

We're still in the first stages of saying goodbye, (not moving til May) but we also have felt the other side. Our best friends Sean and Judy left for NZ in Sept., and it was heart wrenching at times, but at least half of our overwhelming emotion was swelling pride that our friends made their dream a goal, and their goal a reality. We still miss them terribly, (Judy went and had her 1st baby a few weeks ago without me! :wah) but we get to talk cheap all the time, and we will see them in 2 months and 6 days. :) So take heart that your true friends are proud of you and probably brag about you to anyone who will listen, and will end up in NZ one way or another!
Ana

[The Hodges]

It's all a mixture of emotions. We'll be off soon and we're just sending our invites out for our leaving party, although we're asking all of our friends and family to help us celebrate our new life in NZ.

We're still finding it difficult, so we know exactly how you are all feeling. We have our work and then our friends/family leaving parties in three weeks and we just wish that we could find the emotional off button sometimes.

Just remember that it is not 'good bye', but 'so long and see you later'.

Our thoughts are with you all.

[Sam B]

Hey, thanks everyone! Will post properly soon, still in dreamlike state...

[StevieD]

Well done Sam BTW and congratulations.

I don't know about this. I know it will be upsetting, but a lot of people seem to build it up and make something out of it before it happens. Is it this build up, the anticipation, that makes it worse, bit like a trip to the dentist?

Don't get me wrong I'm a big softie when it comes to stuff like this, but I'm trying my hardest not to make an issue before it happens. Hope you understand where I coming from on this, not flaming people, just a viewpoint.

Good luck to us all going through this (off to buy shares in Kleenex now)

[Trigirl]

i found that i was very much affected by how the person i was saying goodbye to took it. so i sailed along fine until my best mate cried and then i fell apart. but then once we'd said good bye i sailed along fine again.

thankfully - and totally well done to them - mum and dad did everything humanly possible to send us off with smiles on their faces and made going so much easier for us by doing so. i love them so much.

[StevieD]

Jani d here (try to bulid stevie posts ;)) as many of our friends on the forum know the goodbyes are what i dread the most. Being the 'only' child i am racked with guilt and so dread the goodbyes.

anyway anyway the way i look at it (for the ladies) its like labour, especial when its not your first child. You know its going to be long and hard and hurt like hell but you have to go thru it to get your new 'baby' your new start in life.

I have asked Stevie can he do a BA (from the A team) on me and knock me out and wake me up when we get to Singapore, but he's not having any of it.

[thezorbster]

I'm welling up just reading your goodbye stories and we don't have even have PR yet. I haven't thought about the emotional side of things for a while which is good, we're so busy trying to get things in order, decorating the house ready to go on the market, planning our holiday/recce visit (hurray) etc that the enormity of what we are planning hasn't hit me for quite some time but reading your messages has really hit me hard. :wah

[Sam B]

Yes, Trigirl is right, it really depends on how the other person is a lot. I didn't expect to be at all upset when my six year old said goodbye to her best friend, but her mum started crying and that really affected me as it made me think about the repercussions of what we were doing. The sight of my completely stiff upper lipped dad's face all crumpling up as he walked away at Heathrow was the worst thing, as he was walking away really fast so we wouldn't see it, and I've only ever seen him cry once before (when my mum left home) so that was AWFUL, and if you're the daughter of said emotionally challenged Dad then you are not very good at knowing what to say! Phew - hard...

[StevieD]

Sure I could do a BA on you dear - if that's what you want ;) :laugh

[Ana&Steve]

I have asked Stevie can he do a BA (from the A team) on me and knock me out and wake me up when we get to Singapore, but he's not having any of it.
:laugh I used to love that show! So do you equate StevieD with Murdock, Face, or Hannibal? (Assuming BA is taken...)