Leaving the Rellies.....

Moorf · Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2004 4:23 am Post subject: Leaving the Rellies.....

Ok, I don't see another thread like this one so this should be interesting reading....

Despite the fact that I have been away from home since I was approx 11 yrs old (boarding school) and have travelled alot and lived abroad alot - my mother is acting very strangely indeed about our move to NZ.

Now I am not so insensitive to realise that obviously my rellies will miss me and it IS a long way away (altho we have been living at oppo ends of the UK for the last 8 yrs!) - but I am a bit peeved that I am starting to be "emotionally" stressed by my mother who has started the "I am getting older ... etc" line... Hmmm

I am stressing for the first time in my life about living away from family - did anyone else have probs like this to overcome or perhaps some words of wisdom from similar experiences?

Most of the family are fine - "they'll miss us but wish us all the best and want to come out asap etc" but when its your mother is does hit hard.

Thanks in advance
Moorf

Timbo · Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2004 6:19 am Post subject:

Hi Moorf. I dont know (or want to know) either yours or your Mothers ages, but there comes a time when you just have to a bit selfish and follow your heart. Surely your Mother can accept that she has lived her life as she wanted and now it is your turn. My wife and I will be leaving behind not only my parents, but two (almost) grown up sons aged 22 and 20. They have there own lives now and are not interested in coming to Nz, except for freeby hols. Be brave.

Moorf · Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2004 6:30 am Post subject:

Hi Timbo - thanks for that !

I am 36 !

I totally agree with you and have always done what I want and gone where I have wanted to go - and live - my parents were in the forces so they too are used to travel.

Just strange that she is finding it hard to accept this particular move - I know my father would come with me tomorrow if I asked!

Moorf

Timbo · Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2004 6:38 am Post subject:

Hey Moorf. Maybe its worth reminding Mum just how much the world has "shrunk" in recent years. It really is only a flight away (albeit a rather long one). When we went out in March, we were in the company of many members of the grey brigade, presumably travelling to see loved ones down under. Indeed one old chap of 86 sat very near to me on the return leg, and did not leave his seat or eat/drink. Strange but true.
I am sure your Mum will come round in the end. Good luck
Tim fingers crossed

sesame · Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2004 4:34 pm Post subject:

hi Moorf!

eiks, ...... we haven't even told our mothers about nz yet ...... well, our mothers know we are leaving the united states... & my mother somehow believes we're moving to austria (where i lived for 20 some years). she just visited us here in the usa for three (!! Eek

) months - and as she was leaving she said she'd 'die' if she couldn't be around her only grandchild.... she waited along time for him too (she is almost 70). Sad

i have wanted to go to nz since i was 15 and my husband is the one who convinced me to pursue my dream - up until recently i thought nz was too far away to really move to - now i don't believe that any more. it takes my mother 24 hours to fly here - and it'll take her 26 hours to fly to nz - AND she'll LOVE it there!

like so many on this forum have stated - i don't want to look back and regret not having done this....these are our instructions. and i believe what is good for us will be good for her.

i have had sleepless nights over this - but no longer. i need to think of my child's future - and the way i feel about it - nz is the place to be.

it is natural to be sad at your stage i think - and your sentiment is pure and loving... i'm a mommy now too - and it hurts to have such a full heart...

remember - what is good for you is good for her and even good for the butterflies in the amazon.....and so on. we are really all very much connected in such magical and wondrous ways.

a big hug to you!

Shy

eric_amanda · Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2004 9:38 pm Post subject:

Hello Moorf

You are not alone.

I have parents who seem very small minded about our whole move. They have already stated that they do not intend to visit us, as they are unable to bare a flight to the south of France never mind to NZ!

Sadly I am an only child and so this makes this much more difficult I believe for me. I have for years put up with the 'if only you lived nearer' attitude of my parents and grandparent. We currently live about 100 miles away!

However, I now have 3 young children myself and Eric and I firmly believe we are doing the right thing for all of us. We have told everybody that we are only going for a couple of years, but in reality most realise that if we like it we will stay ... apart from my parents despite being told that this is the case.

We will miss them dearly, however feel sad that they have already made such a final decision about visiting us, and their only grandchildren. Erics parents on the other hand who are older than mine are already planning a trip at Christmas!

We appreciate that this is not easy for them, but they are putting (and always have) terrible pressure upon me at a time when I could do with help and encouragement. If only they would open up more to the world as it is now, where you can fly anywhere in the world relatively easily and communications are so advanced.

Sadly because of their attitudes I have become very hardened over the years. I am just trying to remember that I have to do it, or I will regret it, and once there I can make an informed decision as to mine and my families future.

Stay strong, its only natural to have doubts.

Amanda

Moorf · Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2004 10:53 pm Post subject:

Wow - I am so glad I opened this can of worms - I am obviously not alone. Thanks for your replies guys - strange how similar both your situations are to mine.

So - is it just mothers and daughters that have this problem? Confused

I note my mother in law isn't putting the pressure on my hubby! Which means that I will be branded t he evil one!!

Same reaction from family re flights too - even though we have said we will pay for everyones initial visit!!!

Plus - we too have told people we are only going temporarily even though we hope to stay - it does seem to ease them into the idea slowly.

Cheer girls for your open replies.

Helen