Negative Family Attitudes

eric_amanda · Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2004 7:34 am Post subject: Negative Family Attitudes

We are currently in the throws of moving to NZ this Aug for two years. Coming on a Talent Visa we will then have the option to get PR if we want it.

Our families are already having a hard time with the idea of us going/coming just for two years, how on earth do we tell them that in fact we may actually stay!?!?

veronica · Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2004 8:38 am Post subject:

I wouldn't if it was me. I'd just go and live away and decide for myself if I wanted to stay. If that happens they will have got more used to the idea of you living away. I appreciate that when you are part of a couple it has to be a joint decision but until you are sure what you want to do I wouldn't rock the boat more than you have to sometimes its kinder to say nothing. Life has a way of kicking out and changing direction enough anyway. And although it sounds callous its your life you are living and if you stay because of the pressure your parents have put you under then the relationship is altered anyway.

I can only say what I would do, you have to choose for yourself.
regards Veronica

karltsmith · Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2004 3:18 pm Post subject:

Hi Eric/Amanda

Forgive my frankness but they must see that this is not only a possibility but a very real prospect and that is what they are probably responding too. I can only echo veronicas views which I largely share.

Leaving families is the hardest thing you will face in the migration process but people do adjust and come to terms with it. its like throwing a stone into a calm pond....initially you will cause some ripples but eventually balance wil be restored!

If you let this stop you from doing what you've set your heart on you will certainly live to regret it and your relationship with your family will not be the same....its your life.....go and live it and try to make them part of it! Nice One

Robert · Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2004 11:16 pm Post subject:

Hi

I faced the same difficulty. The six months from when we told my parents to the run up to our departure in January was, from an emotional stand point, horrendous. Even thinking back to Christmas now makes me feel queasy, I don't know how I got through it. They did not come to terms with it and communications are still edgy.

This has had a negative effect on our time here so far. Emigrating is a massive step and not every day is brilliant and when you are feeling down, it is very difficult to justify to yourself why you caused so much upset to your family. One issue about moving abroad is that you bring a lot of emotional baggage with you (some of which you would probably have preferred to have left behind) and a large part of that obviously relates to family matters.

I would definitely wait until you get here before deciding about any long term plans. You might not actually settle and then you have cause extra upset for no reason. It might also be helpful if you could see their agenda - why are they so upset? There is most likely a reason for wanting you to stay beyond just liking your company.

If you can address these fears and concerns then their feelings may be allayed. It is of course easier said than done - my leaving was seen as desertion in probable time of need so there was nothing I could do about that without cancelling the whole plan.

I hope that you manage to sort things out fingers crossed

veronica · Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2004 12:26 am Post subject:

Hi can we have a meet up sometime late may for all us chch bound people. Anyone up for it. Veronica

veronica · Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2004 12:27 am Post subject:

OOPs forgot to say that way we can give a bit of support to each other.