The Children

eric_amanda · Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2004 1:01 am Post subject: The Children

I'm sure this is one that many of you have dealt with, so I am looking for help/advice.

Our eldest son Edward who is 3 is already feeling homesick, he wants to go home to his old house. We have been at Erics parents since Friday and since then he has also spent 2 days staying with his cousins, while Eric and I have been very busy.

Throughout the whole process we have tried to keep him well informed, he is a very intelligent little boy and always has lots of questions. We have always tried to make it a bit of an adventure, but he is missing home.

My question is, should we allow him home so that he can see that all his furniture, toys etc are gone, but to carefully explain again that they will, in good time arrive in NZ? Or would it be best to keep him away?

My personal opinion is to let him home, show him the photos we took of Crown packing etc and deal with the fall out, hoping this will in time allow him to understand better.

At the end of the day we just want to do the right thing, if there is a right way to go about it.

As always everbodies input is greatly appreciated, I know we are not the only one's to have to deal with this issue.

Amanda

BJ · Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2004 3:43 am Post subject:

Hi Amanda
It must be making you feel awful to see your little boy so upset, but remember kid are very adaptable and before you know it, he will bounce back to his old happy self.
Not sure if taking him back to your old house will do much good, you've made the break, now let the dust settle. I think doing that will make the changes you've made be accepted by him faster. No Going Back, remember why your doing this.

Hope this has help, but there is no right way, only the way that feels right for you.

Good Luck and I hope he feels better soon
BJ

wilson182 · Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2004 5:14 am Post subject:

Hi Amanda

Poor you, this is a difficult one. My youngest daughter is just 4, and seems to have a pretty good understanding of whats going on. We went to nz in May, and she enjoyed staying in the different houses/motels, and travelling around. She understands that Daddy got a job, and we settled into our new house, she even helped to choose her new school in nz, before we left. (I had to come back to the uk to sort things out) So she seems to be coping well with things in the house "disappearing" (including her bed, she is sleeping with me). My problem is she is missing her dad terribly, and doesnt understand why we cant be with him for what seems, to her, to be a very long time.

Not much help for your problem though, im afraid

Anyway, Very Good Luck

Lisa.C · I Like It Here Joined: 03 Jul 2004 Posts: 75

Hi Amanda,

We have this to come, erm, i'd say do what you think is best, i think parents know in their hearts what is right for the individual child.

We had a move a while back and my kids did get over it pretty quick, do as you are and keep explaining and reassuring them and it'l be fine, they soon stop asking for their old home, when we moved here, we made sure it was their bedrooms we decorated first and kept them involved in the schemes etc. I'm sure it'll be easier once you get to NZ and into a home you can settle into.

Good luck Amanda,

Lisa

debi ann · Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2004 12:50 pm Post subject:

Children do tend to form very deep emotional attachments to their belongings, ours always hanker over the "previous" house every time we move. I think children feel that the things they have around them are part of themselves somehow. Parting with toys can be a real problem.

I can only say to try to cleverly distract him with something completely different when he starts to feel homesick, also lots of cuddles helps (as you know)

In the end (at their own request) we had to stop talking about it in front of our kids, who are a few years older than your son - they still have no proper concept of time and couldn't take the constant "when we get to New Zealand....." talk which went on for months.

If that doesn't work just say his stuff is being real brave and having an adventure of it's own. But it is probably going to make things more diffiuclt if you go back home.

rodders · Valued Member Joined: 25 Nov 2003 Posts: 134

feel for you eric and amanda. i wouldn't take the little man back to see his old house. i think debi ann has the right idea about distracting him. also might be too late now but keeping a few favourite toys for him to play with while everythings changing should help but you've probably done that. comfort

Francesca · Testing The Water Joined: 23 Jul 2004 Posts: 4

We just moved over from the states with two three year-olds. They were there the whole time the house was being packed up. I would say it depends on your son's temperment. The suddenly empty house might be too great a shock but definitely let him see the photos of the movers.

They do miss their toys. Distracting does not work for my kids but I listen and I remind them that their toys will be coming over on the big boat.

eric_amanda · Posted: Sat Jul 24, 2004 1:25 am Post subject:

Thank you all for your replies.

I think we have made the decision not to bring him back, as tempting as it is, and he seems to have gone a little quiet on the subject. Next time he asks we intend to show him the pictures I took of the removals. In the meantime we are busy trying as many distraction tactics as possible! A castle I found in the attic that I had forgotten about seems to have gone down well at the moment! (Have you heard of Bob the Builder and the Knights of Camelot? this is Edwards version) I also have quite a few little items tucked up my sleave, but am trying to save them for the flight and the weather being so kind at the moment is helping!

Thank you again for your advice, I realise that we are not alone on this one and that it is something that those of us with children will experience somewhere along the way, its one of those things that tugs at the heart strings and makes you wonder if you are doing the right thing, although deep down we know this is the right thing in the long run.

Best wishes
Amanda

debi ann · Posted: Thu Jul 29, 2004 1:32 pm Post subject:

Yes, you are doing the right thing for him. Our children went from a rather strict, very acdemic private school to a NZ state primary school and they love it. It has been the best thing we have ever done for them and they are blossoming. It has been like the sun coming out!

MC · Posted: Thu Jul 29, 2004 6:24 pm Post subject: Children Changes

I also have a 4 1/2 year old and another due today/tomorrow and I believe that making the move at an early stage of their life is better than moving in their teens. Our oldest,as he will be, is moving school anyway in September, for 4-8 weeks, and the youngest won't even get the Souff London accent!

We do not arrive until November and have planned to get him into a regular routine of school as soon as Xmas on the beach is over, if Xmas isn't enough excitement in itself.

Good idea to get their room decorated first, we have got a map and planned the route the house contents, eastbound, and we will fly, westbound. Having already flown twice to NZ he knows that it's more than one plane journey and having had 2 clocks in the kitchen with the different time zones and talking about the Sun and Moon knows it's not the same time in both places but we all have the same Sun and Moon.

I do not know what going back to an empty room will achieve, apart from making you 2 return flights lighter!

But as somebody has already mentioned only you as the childs parent can make the decision, pecieved as right or wrong by others and only others.

eric_amanda · Posted: Sun Aug 01, 2004 6:50 am Post subject:

Just thought I would keep everyone updated!

Edward has settled really well over the past week. He now refers to our old house as 'my old house' and seems to understand perfectly well where our things are now and that we are waiting for the airline to prepare the plane before we can go to NZ in ten days!

We have not hidden anything from him and have tried to explain everything that has been happening. By pure chance he questioned us where we were going the other day, we told him we were going to finish cleaning the old house for the new people to move in, he then asked if he could come with us.

After umms and arrs we agreed. He came, he inspected everywhere and then helped with the cleaning of the kitchen cupboards! When he was bored with that he went to play on the new playground (directly next to our old house and part of the reason I wanted him to return since it is just finished and I have spent 3yrs fundraising for it!).

We have since been back again to play on the playground and he his fine with it all and understands that new people are moving in and does not seem to have a problem with it.

Hope this continues

Amanda & Eric

Tanya · Posted: Sun Aug 01, 2004 9:13 am Post subject: Re: Children Changes

MC · Posted: Sun Aug 01, 2004 10:12 pm Post subject:

What a week!

My wife Lesley went into hospital to be induced on Wednesday, 2 days later little Alexander Lorenzo makes an appearance for the weekend, Friday 1220 6lb 3oz, 2 weeks earlier than expected, both doing well and at home. Then over the week we have been made an offer on the house with an exchange for September/October perfect!

Mr. Green

wilson182 · Posted: Sun Aug 01, 2004 10:38 pm Post subject:

Congratulations Clapping

They say things come in threes, so you still have some more good news to come fingers crossed

Tanya · Posted: Sun Aug 01, 2004 11:26 pm Post subject:

CONGRATULATIONS Nice One

Pleased all went well.

Tanya