Those left behind ......

Robert · Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2003 10:27 pm Post subject: Those left behind ......

One of the hardest things we found about planning to move to NZ, was telling close relatives that we were going. Breaking the news was hard and living with their reactions and emotions has not been easy. Sad

One set of parents have been upset but supportive, the other have been upset and, shall we say, difficult Confused

This has obviously led to a lot of turmoil in amongst the other problems of visa applications, packing etc. I was wondering how other people have handled the side of things and of those who are actually in NZ, how does the situation develop.

We chose to go in the New Year thinking that it would be a new year/new start, good time for the children to change school etc but has this just made things worse because Christmas is starting to look a little grim?

Any ideas or suggestions welcome!

JCM · Posted: Tue Dec 02, 2003 6:40 am Post subject:

Hi Robert and a warm welcome to the forum.

Yes, this brings back memories. We found it difficult too. Thankfully nobody was difficult about it though. It would certainly have made things much more stressful if they had been. Tears at the airport were difficult though and I feel for you.

You've probably already been there, but it helps I think if you can explain the 101 reasons you have for leaving the UK and for choosing to go to NZ and that you will be back visiting and that they should come out visiting too.

We have young kids so we felt particularly bad about depriving their grandparents of seeing them. As things stand, we travel back every couple of years and grandparents come out visiting. It works out quite well really. Sometimes we would like to go back for family reasons but the quality of life we enjoy here is far above what we could hope for in the UK.

For another couple we know things have worked out very well. Their parents came out on holiday, loved the place and have retired here.

I hope things get easier for you. fingers crossed

Where are you headed for?

Watson · Testing The Water Joined: 16 Nov 2003 Posts: 6

Thats hard Robert. I'm not looking forward to this. Are there any ideas about softening the blow when you first do it or making things easier?

martwend · Posted: Wed Dec 03, 2003 6:25 am Post subject:

Hi!

One idea for distressed parents is to have them book their flights out to NZ for a holiday before you even leave. That way, on the day you leave the UK, you can say to the old age pests that you will see them soon and know that it is is true Razz

!

Also, for kids it will (we hope) be less traumatic fingers crossed

as they will be able to count down the time until they see grandparents again rather than feeling like they will never see them again in all the emotion of leaving.

This is our anti-angst action plan but I expect there will still be plenty of tears at the airport. We find it hard to think too much about this

because it is almost enough to make you give up and stay here but not quite! Clapping

Wendy

Robert · Posted: Wed Dec 03, 2003 8:35 am Post subject: Breaking Bad News

Thank you for your kind replies Nice One

Breaking the news was very difficult. In our case there are five young children heading to Christchurch with us and the issues of depriving those left behind of their grand children was significant.

It took a lot of time to pluck up the courage to tell people who I knew would react very badly to the news. I am a doctor and have found it much easier to tell people they have cancer or HIV or that their relative is ill. When I told my family, all the training I have had was no help and I have been critcised for the way the news was broken. I guess I'm not much help on that one.

martwend · Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2003 5:57 am Post subject:

Hi Robert,

We have 4 kids (9, 7, 5 and 2) so can sympathise with you. Also, Martin is a dentist so there is a certain amount of common ground there too!

We took the gradual approach to breaking the news as we just kept discussing our interest in working abroad and then our specific interest in NZ, followed by news of the job offer and so on. I don't suppose our families were thrilled by our approach either as it had the disadvantage of leaving everyone in limbo until the final decision was made. Hmmm

One thing that has really got through to family though is that Martin will be leaving his NHs practice seeing 30 patients a day to go to a private practice in a warm climate working fewer hours for a similar income and seeing 15 patients a day! Also, if we stay here most of the years we have until retirement will be committed to paying off the mortgage whereas in NZ there should be no mortgage and maybe even enough money left over to do stuff together! They understand it but emotionally they are finding it hard....as are we! Rolling Eyes

Wendy